"Do not pray for easy lives; pray to be stronger. Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers; pray for powers equal to your tasks. Then the doing of your work shall be no miracle, but you yourself shall be a miracle. Every day you shall wonder at yourself, at the richness of life which has come to you by the grace of God."
~Phillips Brooks

outside inspiration

it's in the stadiums and in the biggest rooms we want too belong / i am mistaken it's in the biggest rooms it all goes wrong
(care of Matt Pond PA -> care of Mike)

If found that even in my senior year of college, I still find myself wanting to fit in. The desire isn't as strong as it once was, but it is still there none-the-less. What is it about human nature that makes us want to fit in? Is it some sort of natural instinct? Or maybe just a personal insecurity. While this desire to belong is still present, I've also become more comfortable in doing things by myself, and I'm finding that I actually prefer doing things by myself in some situations? Does that make me anti-social?

Ever since I started college, I've found myself growing away from certain people. Freshman year it was growing away from my high school friends. Sophomore year it was all of my frosh year hallmates and friends. Junior year, it felt like I was growing away from all of my college friends, especially after I came back from Palestine. Now in my senior year, the feeling from junior year still lingers, but is not as prominent anymore. I do miss my three ex-roomies from last year though, especially Kerry, who I had lived with since day 1 of my life at Tufts. I know living a life of regrets is not the most desireable or healthy thing to do, so here are some wishes and hopes that I have. I wish I kept in touch with people from this summer. I wish I knew what some of my high school friends are up to. I wish I had kept in touch with all of my focusers from years past. And I hope that I keep some of these bonds that I've created during my four years at Tufts. I hope that I have the strength to to follow my heart and not let things hold me back. While not letting things hold me back, I also have to evaluate how important things and people are to me, which is such a hard things to do something. At what point does staying true to your roots get in the way, and at what point do they define an essential part of you?

Everyday I am getting closer and closer to the end of my college career. Will my graduation in May mark the end of my life as a student forever? Probably not, but nothing is ever definite. Where will I go next year? Has Boston stolen my heart away from NJ/NY? Or is it more of a question of who's living in these cities? My heart lies with someone right now, so I have a feeling they will play a big role in my future plans.

I do know that in my future, I would like to be comfortable in those big rooms, where ever and with who ever they are.