from blurry eyes
I really don't get it. Am I that good of an actress that I make other people that my life is virtually perfect? Do I live two different lives, hiding my true self from the general public? Or do people just not really see who I am? Because I am not perfect... I am not even close. Yes, I will admit that I have somethings going for me. These things so seemingly perfect that no one realizes that its not enough. So then I have these things that are supposedly perfect but really aren't, and then there are the other things. Things... what a general and vague word, perfect for everything I'm talking about. Things that are normal, or sub-standard. To whose definitions? Mine. Yours. Society's. Are my personal standards too high? Probably. Is it possible to lower them? Doesn't seem realistic. Because it just didn't happen, I was always like this. If its possible to imagine, I was worse. Not entirely my fault though. It's hard living in someone elses shadow, and its hard to live up to expectations. For while this expectations have not been enforced to the extent that they used to be, they still live full force in my head. Punishing my every mistake and wrong doing. And while I have moments of sanity, those thoughts, those entities are still there, just waiting to be unleashed again.