this was taken from xenith.net a totally rockin' e-zine

The Hallway
by Yael M.
I walked along the dusty, dilapidated hall, grumbling to myself. Once again, there was a couple making out furiously in the hall, blocking everyone from being able to walk through that one narrow part of the hallway. Those two (and every other couple in high school) seemed to be so terrified that they would miss each other so much in between fourth and fifth periods. Ahh, the beautiful wonders of high school make you feel all fuzzy inside.

The next group I must walk by are the so-called “jocks”. Drenched in testosterone, they approach each other slowly, cautiously, prepared to engage in a brawl. Guttural sounds are emitted by each jock, baring reminiscence to documentaries on the Neanderthal Man. They bounce together, hitting each person’s chest against the others’. Another guttural tone is emitted, this one slightly higher than the other. All hands are raised, and then they run backwards into a poor freshman, who is slightly heavier than what would be considered normal among the anorexic girls.

“Move out of the way, FAT ASS!” the chief of the jocks yells. The rest of the jocks laugh. The anorexic girls (also known as the cheerleaders/popular girls) laugh, and are so in awe of the jocks' amazing intelligence and wit that tears fall down their makeup-covered faces. They shriek and run to the bathroom to repair their slightly damaged mascara.

I sigh, and tell the harassed frosh that they’re idiots, but she is already too upset. She runs to the bathroom to cry.

Next come the Hot Topic-ites and the “Alterna gods”. They’re present in every school. You know, the kids that dress the way they perceive as different, while not knowing at all what they’re doing. They give me angsty looks as I walk past them. I remember asking one girl Ayme (she had changed her name from Amy so to sound more “alterna”) why she opposed Bush in the war against Iraq (I wanted to see what her reasons were—I was questioning my own stance). She couldn’t answer me, except for saying “Bush sucks.” These kids are so concerned with what should be alternative and who is alternative (so they can pick their friends), that they don’t actually know how good they have it (nice house, loving parents, boyfriend/girlfriend), and how much someone else would give to have what they have.

It’s not that I’m saying I’m any better…I just feel like there are so many labels (and these are only a few) in high school that people become confused as to what his or her personality is. That’s one thing I despise about high school—the labels. No one can see past them.

So henry's grad party is yesterday, and I eat some hummus thinking that it's only groups up chick peas. Turns out that hummus is made with sesame seed oil. whoops. so much for being careful with what I eat... So I come home from the party early because I feel pretty nauseous, and I end up goign to the ER because my mom is over-protective. hahaha, it is not my idea of a fun night to spend 4ish hours in an ER on a summer night :) oh well, just makes me more cautious!

oh man, this speaker at Creation, Justin Lookado, is the absolute funniest. He's giving/gave a seminar on relationships, etc. Haha, exactly what I needed right now! :) Not only does he have a good message, he's also absolutel hilarious... :)
"Out of 100 people surveyed, 22 people married their highschool sweetheart. Out of these 22, 17 are divorced from their highschool sweetheart... High school relationships are not meant to last..." Just something to think about. Hahaha, "guys are very simple beings. we are not hard to understand..." oh man, this guy is great ;)

today and yester days
again, this post applies to yesterday, excuse my delay in posting... I was only off by 40 minutes or so ;)
I went to go see Varekai, Cirque Du Soleil's new show, today with Jarr and the fam. I'm always amazed by the people in these shows, they're so amazing! Some of the things that they do seem super human sometimes... I'm a little irked that I missed the first 10-15 minutes of the show however, my mom got a tad lost on the way to my dad's office to pick him and my sister up. Grrr... it was so annoying, we could hear what was going on, but we couldn't go in because the show was at a point where there was a blackout, so we couldn't let any light in... Looking at the show's program online, it looks like we missed three acts... poop... ah well, the rest of the show was fabulous, only one or two mess-ups and they weren't even that bad. I think my favorite act was the russian swings, it looked like sooooo much fun! Either that or the juggling guy... he was juggling with his mouth, it was so crazy!

I also watched some of today's Creation Fest's concert today. For the uninformed, Creation Fest is a Christian festival held annually in Pennsylvania (Usually at Agape Farm, but this year at Hershey Park). I went wto summers ago with a bunch of people from Hi-BA and had a complete blast. I couldn't go this year, so I decided to watch some of the concert via a live feed from acaza.com. I ended up watch Michael W. Smith perform, who was amazing by the way, and the candle lighting ceremony. While longing to be at the concert in person, I realized how empty I felt. When I went to Creation Fest two years ago, I was absolutely on fire. I loved God with such a passion and ferocity that it was apparent to those who didn't know anything about my spiritual life. If I remember correctly, someone said one time that I was "glowing." I don't know about you, but I think that's pretty cool. And now? I would call myself a spiritual mess. When I actually read my Bible (which is hardly ever right now) I struggle to get through more than two good sized chapters, and actually absorbing what I'm reading is even more difficult... and I feel like I'm falling further and further away from God each day. It's sorta hard to stay up there when you don't have people to turn to for support. People that are going through the same struggle that you are experiencing. I think that's what I loved most about Hi-BA, there was, and is, something so strengthing about being around people that love God so much. I know that God loves me and will always forgive me if I lay my sins before him, I just feel like such a failure though... So right now, I pray for strength. Strength.

Lately I've been wandering off the narrow path. You’ve given me so many things that I've never had, and all in all I know it's you that always pulls me through. If you reach deep inside you’ll see my heart is true... ‘Cause I hate the way I feel tonight, and I know I need you in my life. Yes I hate the way I feel inside, and I promise to make the sacrifice.
The world I know is pulling me more and more each day, I feel like the odd man out as I begin to pray. Spiteful eyes are watching me with everything I do, In the midst of darkness Lord my spirit calls for you...

One mall. Two hours. The mission: to find a summer job
Ahhhh.... who would think that filling out job applications could numb your brain so efficiently? Laur and I spent from 1 to 3 walking around GSP looking for people that were hiring and filling out job aps. I think we filled out about 5 or 6 aps each. Lets see how many aps I can remember... Aeropastal, Bath & Body Works, The Icing, Carlton Cards, Limited Too... Oh damn, I just remembered that I wanted to fill out an ap at Old Navy and I completely forgot... damn... oh well. Laur also applied to Jessica McClintock in addition to the others that we both applied to. Mmmm, I guess we shoulda applied to American Eagle too, cause they had a hiring sign in their window... but for some strange reason I didn't feel like it at the time. Ah well. I figure that out of those 5 places, I should at least get one call back for an interview, dontchya think? The law of averages and all that.... Mmm, and I still have to call Vector Marketing to set up an interview... aparently they called while I was out... wish me luck...

Oh, and did I mention that I got a tatoo? Its quite cute :) I'll try and put a picture of it up soon...

The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
~Walter Bagehot (1826-1877)

I do...
Let's just say that I have a very random bunch of friends. While playing taboo a few nights ago, out of the blue Nicks asks "If you had to pick someone to marry right now, who would it be?" Fil, Leigh, and I came up with answers in no time flat... when we asked Billy and Jacob a few nights later, they could not give us an answer. What does this tell us about the differences between the male and female psyches? Haha, I honestly have no idea... it made me think about why Fil, Leigh, Nicks, and I picked the people that we did. Nicole picked "lou," shall we say, because he's jewish and he'll be "financially viable in the future." Leigh picked a long time crush, Fil picked one of her best guy friends, and I picked ---. My friend Mike's theory on why I picked who I did: "perhaps because the feelings you had for him were the closest you've come to that of a relationship and you associate them with marriage." I think that's a pretty valid statement. It's also possible that he was the person that most closely matched my "ideal" type, whatever that is anyway... but as Mike said again, " its hard because people at our age usually dont regard someone they would marry the same way as someone they would want to hook up with or go out with, and we usually dont think that seriously about qualities we want in a person." I had previously thought that I knew exactly what I wanted in a husband though. Ha. Who am I kidding? Sure, I may know that some qualities that I look for will never change, but on some of the others... I've only live 18 years of my life so far, and I'm sure college will be a life-changing experience. Am I wrong to have certain expectations of my future spouse? I don't think so... as long as I'm willing to be flexible, it's all fine and dandy... So, who would you marry?

oh hellz yeah!
according to the NCSA-NJ (the soccer league that our club team was in), our team came in 1st place with a record of 6-1-2.... oooo yeeaaaaa babes....:-D ::does a little dance:: whoooo kiccckksss theeee most arrsseee?!?!?!? wee dooo!!! hahah, sorry, i'm done now :)

oooooo... ::chills:: Harry Potter and the Order of the Pheonix... sooo good... i just can't believe I have to wait till the next one, which will probably be a couple years... I do have to admit that I'm confused about a few things, but I won't spoil it for those bums (ahem ahem, nicole and emma) that haven't finished reading the book yet. I was surprised that I didn't cry when the person died though, but I think that can be attributed to my confusion about specific parts of the book... here's a good website to checkout if you're a HP junkie like me :) The Harry Potter Network

Friday Five
1. Is your hair naturally curly, wavy, or straight? Long or short?
My hair is naturally straight... it's lots of different lengths, but the longest parts are shoulder length.
2. How has your hair changed over your lifetime?
Umn, my hair used to be jet black when I was little, and now its a dark brown. Haha, I also used to have a full head of hair, and we all know how that's changed ;)
3. How do your normally wear your hair?
In a ponytail, I'm to active to leave it down all the time. That or in a bandana, they're my best friends :)
4. If you could change your hair this minute, what would it look like?
It would be normal
5. Ever had a hair disaster? What happened?
Besides the obvious, the way how my hair was originally done for prom was pretty bad, it was sooooo ugly. Haha, just ask nicole and leigh.

haha, in the wee hours of the early morning when we seniors got back from project graduation, most went home and hopped right into bed. Or they showered/ate and then hopped into bed. Did I do that? nooooo, of course not! Why would I be tired after staying awake all night?!?! :D haha, so I opted to go running at 6:40 in the morning. It was actually quite pleasant out actually. teehee, I thought I'd inform everyone of my craziness. Ahhhh, I love adrenaline highs... but can I really even call it that, because I haven't felt tired all night/morning... she's a weird 'un she is... :P

I cordially invite everyone to the graduation of the 2003 class of THS, tomorrow, at the highschool, at 6:30PM. In event of rain, the ceremony will be held at the FDU Rothman Center in Hackensack. I'd be very honored if you all could come :)
update: Graduation has been officially been moved to the Rothman Center, tickets aren't needed...

one more goodbye
due to my ever constant late night tendencies, this post applies to Monday, June 16th...
Today was my last game as a player for the Teaneck Girls Stingrays Soccer Club... It'd been a great 5 years overall. We've had some downs, but we've definitely had more ups over the years. I would have to say that this is my favorite year of Stingray's; Everyone on the team was awsome this year, we had a kick ass record (6-1-2 I think, not positive on the number of wins, but I'm sure on everthing else), and we got to train with the boys, which I always love... After playing on some other teams, I've realized that the best thing about my team is that we all get along so well. There is no cattyness, which you will often find amongst any groups of girls, and we're just all so damn cool ;) Following tradition, we had a little end-of-season shin-dig at this restaurant in Bergenfield (which happens to be the same town our keeper, Courtney aka court, hails from), and it was definitely great times. I don't think I've laughed that much or that hard in a while... I'm so glad I've gotten to meet, play with, and befriend Court, Van (Vanessa), Jess, Syd (Sydney), and Jackie. They are some of the nicest, coolest, and most talented people that I've ever met. I've basically known them for only 3 or 4 months, but I'm sad that this is my last game with them. The other friendships that I've formed over the years with Carly, Rachel and Allie are priceless (excuse the overused cliché)... and I can't forget my Teaneck girls that I've gotten closer with (the twins, jilly, jenny, kara & em)... I'm gonna miss these girls.. tehe, maybe next year, after all, its U-19 and I'll only be 18 ;)

mmm... I've decided that I'm going to have people sing "Ave Maria" (the version that Chanticleer sings, ie: the version that the regions guys sung this year) at my wedding. Haha, no, I don't obsess about my wedding, the song is just so incredibly beautiful... :)

Hollywood Homicide
hahahaha, oh my goodness... that was the worst movie I have ever seen! Hahaha, it was soo bad that it was funny though. Human time and Geological rock time?!?! WHAT?!?!? I will admit that the interigation scene was absolutely hilarious though.. hahaha, ohhh boyy... Laur and Fil are great though, we were all laughing hysterically at points in the movie because of their incredible stupidity. and this one lady behind us was so bored that she was filing her nails. ahhh man, still good times though. gotta love girls night out. We'll pick up guys on 208 next time, okay fil? ;)

Friday Five
1. What's one thing you've always wanted to do, but never have?
Go skydiving!!! Its alll about the adrenaline rush.
2. When someone asks your opinion about a new haircut/outfit/etc, are you always honest?
It depends on the person and the situation. So no, I'm not always completely honest. A little white lie once in a while never hurt anyone.
3. Have you ever found out something about a friend and then wished you hadn't? What happened?
Yes. Umn, I'm not at liberty to divulge that information... It's my fault though, because I did ask afterall... but lets just say that it was more information than I wanted to know and I was a little put out by it
4. If you could live in any fictional world (from a book/movie/game/etc.) which would it be and why?
oooo, thats a hard 'un... I'll have to get back to that... check the Talk Back section for an answer.
5. What's one talent/skill you don't have but always wanted?
I really wish I could play the guitar. It's the perfect portable instrument... It's not like you can lug around a piano or anything. Come to think of it, I would just like to be absolutely amazing at one thing. I'm decent at a lot of things, but I'm not anything special. There goes my inferiority complex again :D

nearing the end
tonight was the yearbook signing party at THS... very good times... it was hot as what in the caf, and almost losing my yearbook was not cool, but it was still good times... I am going to miss my best friends next year... if you see me crying at graduation, that will be why. I have known people like Nicole and Leigh forever, and I have become incredibly close with people like Laura, Fil, and Jacob in such a short time... it really stinks that we won't be close to eachother during college... from california to boston, scotland to trenton, and indiana to philly, we are being scattered all over the states, and all over the world. Watching the senior video made me remember the good times of the year, along with the bad. But I found that in these bad times were some of our greatest moments... the 9/11 memorial service, the beltway sniper, the war with Iraq... as much as I dislike the people in my school the majority of the time, we can certainly rise to the occasion when it is necessary...

reading the some of the comments in my yearbook, I realized that I'm not only going to miss my best friends, I'm also going to miss those people that I have class with... the honor's kids in my school are a tight knit group, especially in the math and science classes... we have had classes with the same people for 4 year, and in many cases 8... over the years we have all bonded in a special way... we know who to go to go get help with homework... we can recognizes people's handwriting in an instant... we know each other's quirks and pet peeves... haha, we even have a designated lunch table on lab days when our entire class copies the lab from one person's work...

It's this small group of people that I will miss the most. I will have to get used to not living 5 minutes away from them. I will have to get used to not hearing certain people's quips in class. I will miss the late night runs for coffee, the singing in the car, the swinging competitions in the park, the way we can communicate through our eyes, the hugs that only best friends can give, and the fact that they don't care how I look.

As much as I will miss my friends, I know that I still have so many friendships to form, so many experiances to live, and so many memories to make. The future holds more than I can ever imagine... and knowing that keeps driving me foward. While this part of my life is almost over, an eternity still lays before me...

last mind purge of the day
Ahhh, and I definitely feel like I'm part of a soap opera right now... its pretty damn cool...
This song is the stuff... you should download it... Cartoons by Chris Rice... hahah, it talks about cartoons being saved, how great is that? and If I Could Only Imagine by Mercy Me is such a beautiful song...
Ray's blog is really touching... stuff about love always gets to me... espcially when its about remembering the past... that's part of my take on relationships... but that's to be discussed later...
Night all.

senior awards dinner
man, the food at the Fiesta is horrid, but it's been narsty since the beginning of time, so I don't know why i expected it to be different. haha, anyway, I actually wanted to comment on the actual awards and such, but got sidetracked as usual. As part of the Female Engineers award that I got (I have no idea why I got it by the way), I was given an engraved mouse... a silver engraved mouse.. no, not like a paper weight, like the thing you have in your hand right now. Isn't that absolutely hilarious? Hahaha, I thought so. I was laughing so hard :) hehehe, well I just thought I'd share!

ponderances
What is the point of having a boyfriend/girlfriend? I'm actually asking this as a real question, I'm not just being cynical or whatnot as I usually am... is it intimacy? companionship? what? I've collected a number of ideas concerning this question over the year, and am curious to what your opinions are.. I've been sorting out my spiritual life recently, and since dating and relationships seem to be a big topic of conversation amongst people of our ages, dating and purity have been at the top of my mind recently. You'll get my take on things once I get your opinions...

There is nothing quite as fun as playing soccer at votee in the rain and getting so completely water-logged, muddy, grassy, and dirty in general :) Hahaha, this sport is not for prissy girls... rock on!

The wind is moving, But I am standing still. A life of pages, Waiting to be filled. A heart that's hopeful, A head that's full of dreams, But this becoming Is harder than it seems. Feels like I'm Looking for a reason. Roaming through the night to find My place in this world. Not a lot to lean on, I need Your light to help me find My place in this world.
If there are millions, Down on their knees, Among the many Can you still hear me? Hear me asking Where do I belong? Is there a vision That I can call my own? Show me I'm Looking for a reason. Roaming through the night to find My place in this world. Not a lot to lean on, I need Your light to help me find My place in this world.

Friday Five (edited)
1. How many times have you truly been in love?
I'm assuming this is not talking about relatives, friends and such. I thought I was in love many times, but I realized soon after that it was just infatution. I guess I would say zero then... I dunno really... I would always discuss with friends that teenagers don't know the true meaning of love because we were/are still so young. I think I still believe that, but when you're in a relationship, nothing else in the world matters as much as the person that you think you love. blast. I am/was such a hypocrite.
2. What was/is so great about the person you love(d) the most?
He was really sweet... we shared the same interests... we did fun stuff together, instead of just sitting around... he made me laugh... he could deal with my weirdness... oh, and it always gets me when people compliment me on my hair. considering the situation...
3. What qualities should a significant other have?
Hahaha, I have high standards... He has to be athletic, musically inclined, funny, sweet, giving, able to hold a good conversation (ie: not dumb), a Chrisitan (let it go, its one of my things), yadda yadda blah blah blah
4. Have you ever broken someone's heart?
I honestly don't think so... If I have... I apologize from the deepest depths of my heart... I think I may have made people a little sad in the past, but not broken their heart.
5. If there was one thing you could teach people about love, what would it be?
Love is found in the most unexpected places, never let yourself be swept of your feet though... always stay grounded.
if you wanna share your answers in the Talk Back section... that would be cool and most dandy

So The House just recently approved legislation outlawing partial birth abortion. I know this is a touchy subject, but I felt the need to voice my opinion, and it is my blog afterall. I'm glad The House approved this piece of legislation... partial birth abortion (abortion in the second or third trimester) is absolutely disgusting. If you don't know the procedure for partial birth abortions, go find it somewhere else, because I'm not going to detail it here, I find it too wretched. If you plan to do a google search to learn more about it...be wary because some websites have pictures on them that you definitely do not want to ever see... I found that out the hard way. Back to the actual law... I do have to agree that the law may not have been drafted well, but I believe in what it's trying to do. shrug. I don't really know... all I know is how disgusting partial birth abortions are...
See the NY Times for more information

little bits 'o randomness
(o) I saw Finding Nemo today (or rather, yesterday), what a great movie. I definitely want to be a sea turtle now. Haha, the movie was righteous though. It was really sad at some parts though, I definitely did not expect that.
(o) I might get to work in the field with Jared for Hackensack Riverkeeper after doing the most mind-numbing office work for the past 3 sum-odd weeks
(o) My sad-ish story for the day: I tried to check my email today before the movie but soon realized that I had to go right after I signed on. I only got a quick glance at my mailbox, but I remembered something saying "Thanks Tara"... got me all hopefull, thinking that for once I actually did something right in my life.... but no. When I came back home I saw that the email was just from Tremor (this group that I'm part of). I'm thinking should have included that p.s. that I was thinking about adding... Laur and Nics said I definitely should not have, but I don't know. yeah. so thats my story. Can't really get much from it because I'm being extremely vague. You know how paranoid I am. Needed to flush it out of my system somehow though.

"beauty is an international language"
Hahahaha, what crock. I guess it is true in a sense though. Anyway, the Miss Universe Pageant was on tonight on NBC... twasnt that bad actually. I was quite psyched that the background music was BOND, and they even had a performance by them. If you don't know who/what BOND is, they are a female string quartet from consisting of four extreemly talented women from Austrailia, England and Wales (two of the girls are Aussies). While they play classical music, they give it a very upbeat, newage feel... I just know that I like their music. But back to the show. Ms. Dominican Republic ended up winning with Venezuela being the first runner up.. props to Laura for calling that one... I actually wanted it the other way around with Venezuela winning, but its all good. I took points off Ms. DR for almost falling during the evening wear competition. And what was with Canada's bleach blond hair? It wasn't that bad though, and shes cool enough because shes working on getting her Pharmaceutical Docterate. Some of those girls girls in the final 15 were pretty smart... and really pretty. Hahaha, there's nothing better you can do for your ego than to watch a beauty pageant... ah well. We can't all be graced with good looks like them. A lot of beauty is only skin deep anyway. hm.... to bad many first impressions are made on looks. Ah, one last congrats to Ms. USA for making the final 15. narsty dress though if I may say :)

It seems as if my muse has flown away and left me with nothing to write about. ::lightbulb:: oops, thought of a little something... I've come to realize that I am extremely apologetic sometimes, or at least, so I'm told. When it comes down to things, I think that everything, or at least a lot of things, are my fault. Except that a good portion of the time, I want to apologize, but I'm too scared to talk to the person, so I don't and just end up thinking about how I would phrase my apology if i got up the nerve to talk to them. hahaha... oye vey... "You have to laugh at yourself because you'd cry your eyes out if you didn't." ~Emily Saliers