Flipping through the channels this afternoon I came across this documentary on Christian music on the Discovery Times channel. Without a doubt, I listen to the most Christian music out of all of the people that I know. But listening to Christian music doesn't make me more of a Christian than the next. What does make someone a Christian then? Certainly not what we listen to or what we read or what profession we are. It seems that one of the only things left is beliefs. I feel like you can't even really say that beliefs define who and what Christians are. Ever since I became active in my faith, I've been trying to figure out who I am as a Christian.

When I became a "born-again Christian," or however you want to call it, my sophomore year of HS I was pretty conservative in my views. I was raised Roman Catholic after all. The Hi-BA crowd is all pretty conservative also, not that it's necessarily a bad thing. As the years progressed and I left Teaneck to go to high school, my world expanded as did my group of Christian friends. College was a bit of a jolt to say the least... a welcome jolt though. Never before had I met so many people that had as liberal views as I did. Not only were they more liberal, but also more welcoming towards people of all walks of life. It's sort of funny actually. It's probably more taboo to be conservative in my college group than it is to be liberal. The thing is that I still hold a few conservative view points.

Yes, I'm one of those people that are going to wait until marriage. And, well... I guess that's it. I'm still on the conservative side regarding abortion, but it's so hard to have different "conditions" regarding laws on abortion. Like abortion, I've been swaying slowly to the other side on a lot of topics. It could be partly due to the people that I spend time with. Even when became a new Christian, it's not like all of my conservative ideals went flying out of the window, I think going to college just allowed me to meet more Christians that share the same views and I do, and allowed my more liberal views to take hold.

So, where does that leave me? ::shrug:: In some sort of faith crisis as it stands right now. It gets awfully lonely after a while being the only person you know that has all the same views as you. Well maybe not all, but most... or maybe I have. But why is it that for every 10 conservative-ish Christians that I meet that are on 'fire' about God, I only meet 1 liberal-ish person that has the same passion? Frankly, it just gets a little discouraging at times.

I guess it all comes down to one thing. Trust. Trust that God is real and that he/she is watching over me. Trust that I am doing God's will. Trust that I'm not crazy for believing in a higher being. And of course you can't forget about faith, because everyone has to have faith in something. Faith is trusting in something that you can't see and that you can't prove, its not just something that religious people have. Athiests have to have the faith to believe that there is no higher power out there, no supreme being. Me... I have faith that there is a God, I just wish my faith was a little stronger sometimes.


When are you people going to learn? It's not about who's right or wrong. No denomination's nailed it yet, and they never will because they're all too self-righteous to realize that it doesn't matter what you have faith in, just that you have faith. Your hearts are in the right place, but your brains need to wake up."