When finals aren't fair, Tufts gets bare...

YEAH NQR 2005!!!!

Hahaha, this is great...

The New Yorker: PRINTABLES: "Day No. 1:

And the Lord God said, “Let there be light,” and lo, there was light. But then the Lord God said, “Wait, what if I make it a sort of rosy, sunset-at-the-beach, filtered half-light, so that everything else I design will look younger?”

“I’m loving that,” said Buddha. “It’s new.”

“You should design a restaurant,” added Allah."

Very important for all of you sports people!!!

Marathoners Warned About Too Much Water - New York Times

how true...

"You can't have everything. Where would you put it?"
~Steven Wright

an old favorite...

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on."
~Robert Frost

Wow. I do some really stupid stuff sometimes, like accidentally posting something on one blog when it should have been on another... oh well, at least I can have a good laugh at myself...

Things are crazy busy as usual... I can tell that I really should be getting more sleep because coffee isn't working anymore. Maybe I'll be able to catch up this weekend.

"Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known."
~Carl Sagan

So it's been a while... but what can I say? Things have been busy. Classes are the norm, my apartment rocks and I love my gals. I won't bore you with the boring tedium of everyday acitivites, but things are going well. I have probably overcommitted myself this semester... again... but what else is new?

As my thought for the moment, I love walking through the basement of Aidekman and hearing music all around me. It makes my happy to hear all of the creativity and talent of some of the people at Tufts. Music is one of those things in the world that is truely beautiful and makes everything wonderful. It's everywhere... you just have to listen for it...

FOCUS recap
thursday (25th) Freshmen arrived!
Arrival day went well. We were all super hyper as usual. Played some games, ate some pizza, the norm. That night we stayed awake to "gaurd" the frosh. Or at least I did. I probably got about 1 hour of sleep total. Garen and Dana slept for about 4. I was just so cold and uncomfortable that I couldn't fall asleep (I didn't have my sleeping bag). Wilderness did streak us this year though. It was awsome! We waited up for them, and I saw them, comming so I ran outside and said "their in Gantcher!" Then I ran back in and we opened the gantcher doors for them. They did this little call and response song/dance number instead of just running around. It was pretty hilarious. Yay for upholding traditions.

friday
We (DiGiT & SS) basically spent the entire day shleping bags and food to people's churches. It sucked. Actually that's an understatement. It was absolutely terrible. Considering that we were functioning on such little sleep and some people overpack like it's their job... yeah. Enough said. So Friday was pretty miserable. I had to run around and fix a mix up with Giving Camp, but it all worked out. That night, the SS cooked dinner for us (coordinators), and it was really nice. Megan, Amaya, Frances and Skippy made rice with chicken and veg stirfry. It was very yum. Then we did choco fondu with strawberries, cake, marshmallow treats, and other yum. It was so delicious.
There was also some drama about about staffing the showers and regretting FOCUS and what not. Tempers were high, and people were stressed, it was really bad. :Shrug: That was a looooooong 48 hours.

Saturday
Woke up early (7am) to pick up the LIH groups so we could caravan them over to Lawrence so they could work at a habitat site. It was fun, I had a nice chat with the kids in my car. The frosh sitting shotgun was really nice and fun to talk to, and also sorta cute (I know that's a skeevy thing to say, but anyway), so it was a nice drive. After getting back from that, we went to the office for a bit. Then Skippy (a really really cool SS) and I went to go take pictures of the two environemtn groups who were volunteering with the Charles River Conservency. We messed around in a kids fountain for a bit and took some pictures and helped to bag some cut invasive plants, so it was fun times. An ice cream guy also gave me and skip 2 icecream bars for 1 buck... it was very exciting. Swung by the Catholic Center to take some pictures of Giving Camp, vegged out in the office for a bit, and then went back to Lawrence to pick up the LIH groups. Haha, on the way back I felt like a female pimp... driving with 4 hot and sweaty boys in my car, it was funny. Dana and I ended up "racing" the last few miles back. I totally won, although she would say otherwise.
Oh, I also met with Stacey, Seth, Matt and Mike for three hours and night to start working out PSF stuff. I ended up being a little short because I was tired, and they were being silly as usual. Oh well. Let the stress with PSF begin.

Sunday
Woke up early to go to Church over at Trinity. It was lovely as usual. After that, I walked to the Commons, where I spent the next five or so hours hanging out with FOCUS groups and taking pictures. I got some awsome group pictures. We played in the frog pond a bit, sabatoging people and getting them wet, it was good times. After most of the groups left, I spent about two hours hanging out with Giving Camp (GC). The kids in that group are so awsome, and we had a nice chat. It made me feel a little bit better about not leading a group this year. It was also more time spent with Dan Taylor (he's a leader for GC), so more cuteness. Haha, we were riding the T and the cars were really full, so at one point we all had to grab onto eachother to keep balance, and we help hands for a quick bit. He let go so quickly though, you would have thought I had cooties.
After checking up on a group volunteering at the Cambridge Carnival, I met LIH 1 (Tim and Hannah's group) at Dick's Last Resort for dinner. It was fun... definitely an experience. One of the kids in the group is really nice and I had fun chatting with him. After that we went to Mike's Pastries in the North End, where we ended up meeting with a few other groups. I walked back to the T stop with Emily (one of my focusers from last year who is now a leader), and we had such a good time gossipping about boys and what not. She's so sweet and I'm glad I'm getting a chance to talk with her again. Steve-o (Emily's coleader for Env 2) and I took a girl to the ER at MGH.... she thought she might be having an allergic reaction from a bite or something, but it ended up being an infection. Sitting in the ER for a couple of hours was boring though.

update: I recently rediscovered the draft of this post. This was meant to be completed, but I am going to publish it just as i found it.

The past 48 hours have consisted of very little sleep, some fun, but even more frusteration. I have found that when I am silent, I often have so much to say. Tonight was one of those situations. But at the end of the day, I still love FOCUS, and am happy that I decided to coordinate. This have been so crazy recently, and will continue to be crazy until the 31st. There have been quite a few surprises so far though, and I'm sure many more around every corner.

On a quasi-related note, I give thanks for emails from friends that have the ability to remind you what's really important in life. Thats it for now.

Sometimes you hope that they're talking about you, when deep down inside you know they're not.
update (1:13 am)
Haha, and in retrospect, a lot of times it's the other way around... all in all, telepathy would be a great super power to have sometimes.

No longer a teen!!!

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of
the day saying, 'I will try again tomorrow.'"

Mary Anne Radmacher

So it's been a while, hasn't it? There were a few times that I sat down fully intending to write something, and then I felt like there wasn't really anything worth writting, so I got up again. There really isn't too much to right about right now, but I have some extra time.

I'm back in "The Neck" right now. Julie and I drove down on friday afternoon... tomorrow she leaves for Geneva where she's going to be abroad for the entire year. I have this sneaking feeling that I'm going to start to cry at the airport when I drop her off. She is my best friend from school after all, and I can be such a mush ball sometimes, but i'll try to resist the urge.

I'll actually be in NJ for this entire week. It's about time for a week off, and my birthday is on friday (no longer a teen!), and I want to be home for my birthday. The plan as of now is to go to the beach on friday, but according to Nicole, it's supposed to rain all week. I certainly hope not. I've only been to the beach once this summer, which is just plain pathetic. Well, not pathetic. I just love the beach and the water, and I'm sad that I've only been to the ocean once so far. So lets all pray for no rain.

That following Sunday it's back to Boston for FOCUS crunch time. When I get back there's only going to be 7 more days until the leaders arrive, and 10 more days until the freshman arrive. Can we say nervous breakdown? I only have 2 more days to schedule for the groups that I am in charge of, so it's not that bad. But we still have to do tee-shirts, and finish churches, and figure out where we're going to go bulk food shopping and what not. Ahhhh... okay, breathing...

I can't believe how quickly this summer has gone by, it's absolutely insane. Not to mention the fact that I'm half way done with college, which is a completely ridiculous thought. No point stressing out about it now I guess, for its time to go and...

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense."
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

I haven't really felt like posting much of late. It's either: a)to much effort, b)I'm too tired, c)I don't feel like I have anything worthy to post, and/or d)Some things just can't be talked about in the public eye. My blog looks so bleak though, so I think I'll just put in some filler while I have a late night snack.

I must say that part B would be a good reason not to post right now. I went rock climbing tonight with Dan, and my arms are dead. It was a pretty bad climbing session. I only finished two climbs completely, and I think I attempted another two or three. To cut myself a little slack, I haven't been climbing since about December, so it's been a good seven months or so. It was still loads of fun though, and MetroRock was playing good music that I had fun bouncing around to while I belayed Dan.

"B" would also probably apply now because it's pretty late and I have to get up at 7am tomorrow. J's parents want her and her sister to be the last ones out of the house, so I have to leave when they do. (They're leaving at 8am to go camping in Canada, I am thoroughly jealous.) I just figure I'll have one of my Starbucks mocha frap thingy's and I'll be okay.

In other news, I'm heading back to NJ tomorrow. It would be very nice if I could get some beach time in while I'm at home. Or at least maybe some pool time. I think crashing Umar's house is in order. I might even come back next weekend too. Kat is talking about getting DMB/Barenaked Ladies tickets when they perform at the Meadowlands, and that is one concert I definitely don't want to miss. I just hope I don't get stuck in traffic. I'm planning to leave aroudn noon or 1pm, so that's a little iffy. Maybe I'll give in and take the Merrit Pkwy and/or the Tappan Zee bridge. I'll look over a map at breakfast and plan our my route.

Part C is applying right now... and so is Part D. The only other thing that I can think of it FOCUS, which is going well... sorta. On average, I've spent three hours in the office every day. Too bad I don't get paid. I'm all set on booking my two environment groups, but the three kids groups are proving difficult. Some places are just bad at getting back to me, a lot of places don't want short term volunteers, and even more places require CORI background checks, which cost more time and money (which we don't have). D&G and I have decided that we are going to tell next year's coordinators to form animal and elderly focuses, which I think would take a lot of the strain off of kids. To bad we didn't have the foresight to do that, but we were so rushed with the brochures. Well as they say, hindsight is 20/20.

"Everything here is eatable. I'm eatable, but that my children is called cannibalism and it is frowned upon in most societies."
~Willy Wonka, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005)

Great movie! Go see it!

Just finished reading HP 6. So sad...

"We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be."
~C. S. Lewis

"Carpe diem! Rejoice while you are alive; enjoy the day; live life to the fullest; make the most of what you have. It is later than you think."
~Horace

[[[delete delete delete]] I don't really know what to say right now... I actually find that I have that problem a lot. I have this feeling of things being unresolved on my life, but I cannot pinpoint what the specific problems are. Of course, I can pick out a few, but is that really all? A few small things? Probably not, life is too involved for a few small things to be the heart of the problem. Ah, I just found the perfect way to describe it. In Luke and Corinthians, they disucss "foundations." Not only of buildings and structures, but also of life. In my life, my foundation is God. So like any building, when the foundation is shakey, the entire building is rattled. The same applies to life I think, and I think I'm feeling some tremors right now. Overall I'm pretty good and happy, but there's still that underlying feeling of uneasiness. I think it is high time that I stop blabbing on and on, so I am going to defer to Jars of Clay once again...

looks a lot like givin' up
peace will bring is a bitter cup
set our bodies down like offerings
while we pray to the god of the lesser things

if the wind should shake this house apart
the cradle hits the ground with a broken heart
we will say we never knew a thing
while we pray to the god of the lesser things

is there grace for the wayward heart
is there grace for the wayward heart
grace, grace

ash to ash and dust to dust
steel on steel or rain to rust
what mortal breath blood money brings
forth from the altar of the lesser things

is there grace for the wayward heart
is there grace for the wayward heart is there grace, grace

I've been having these really weird dreams of late. Last night I dreamt that it was Sunday and I was going to service at Trinity as usual. Instead of going alone, I had two friends with me this time (although I can't remember who those two people were). We also went to the 11am service instead of the 9am, which was a little weird, but not too much because I can understand people wanting to sleep in. The weird thing was that service wasn't at the church, but in someone's house... but I didn't realize this until communion, because I couldn't find the altar.
In the next part of my dream I was taking the bus back home, I think my aim at the time was just to take the bus to Park St. so I could get on the red line. I wasn't paying attention, so I missed my stop. After chatting with the bus driver about the best way to get home, I got off in Chinatown. I then decided to go to an asian grocery market to see if they have sio pao (they're these baked bread buns filled with roast pork and what not, really really yum). At the market (which was huge and sort of reminicent of a department store), I found denise (from Tufts) selling chicharon on the lower floor.
Around this point, Julie woke me up because it was already 9:30, the time that we were supposed to leave to go to REI.... whoops. I still can't decide if I slept through my alarm or if I just fell back asleep after shutting it off... I think it's the latter.
My highlight of the day is that I got my first pair of climbing shoes! They are La Sportiva Mythos (Lady) shoes. The little sheet about climbing shoes at REI didn't check them for some different categories, but all of the reviews that I've read online gave them high ratings, so I'm really excited. The best part was definitely the price though. Mythos are usually $120, which is way too expensive, but REI is having this huge July 4th sale, so the shoes only cost me $75! Still expensive for shoes (at least for me) but: (a) They're good quality, and (b) they will last me a really long time because I don't climb too too often and my feet are definitely not going to grow. A good investment if I do say so myself. Aren't they pretty?

In other exciting news, I finally got the William Barclay book that I ordered form bn. William Barclay is this Scottish theologian who wrote a lot (and I mean a lot) of Bible commentary books. The book that I bought is commentary on the Letters of James and Peter, so I'm really excited to start going through it. I've decided that I have to finish reading the Screwtape Letters first before I start this one. Or maybe I could do it concurrently. Whatever floats my boat, right?


"Do not be afraid to allow the Holy Spirit to reveal any unforgiveness or bitterness. The longer you hide it, the stronger it will become and the harder your heart will grow. Stay tenderhearted."
~John Bevere

It's been a while, huh? Well, ya'll know my deal... always busy. But (and its a big but), my A&P class is over on thursday night! Which means I'll have a bunch more time, which I am really looking forward to. It's so weird to think that I only have two more classes before my final. I've only been in class for 3 weeks after all. I also just learned that this class probably won't count for grad school. Apparently most classes have to be 8 or so credit hours to be considered a full course. This class at NU is only 4 credit hours. To get the full number of credit hours, I would have to take the next semester of A&P at NU, which I am definitely not doing. I figure I'll just take A&P sometime during my next four semesters at Tufts instead of paying extra money. At least Tufts is accepting the class as a natural science credit... even though I don't really need a nat. science credit. Oh well.

Work has been the same. I love that the music library is so laid back, and that I can come in to work whenever I want to. Catering is still going well, Julie and I worked together yesterday for the first time since we started working. It was an even at MIT... not bad. They had this roasted duck hors'devour that looked really good, but they all gone. (Ah, I also passed hors'devours for the first time... it makes your wrist hurt after a while). The food was pretty good too. We started off with a chilled asparagus soup (which I didn't try), followed by some seabass (which was really yum) and three different types of creme brulees for desert (didn't try it either, but heard was really good). Jules and I then helped out this guy Alex with his side work, setting up a room that he was in charge of. We all had a nice chat about music and art and what not (he's a student at the Cleaveland School of Art). Catering is great for two things mainly: (1) The food, (2) the people you get to meet. I think I would continue catering soley for those two things. Oh, and you also get to go to some pretty cool places sometimes, not too bad.

*interlude*
As I'm writing this I'm watching this special on MSNBC about soilders comming back from Iraq who have sustained serious injuries. One of the guys is a double amputee (right arm and leg). Some of their stories are heartbreaking. As I watch the show and their trips through rehab, and keep thinking how much I would love to do that. No, not go through rehab, work with injured soilders being their OT (occupational therapist). The work would be heart wrenching at times, but I think taht it would also be extremely fulfilling. Ah, now they're talking about the psychological effects of war. All of this seems so far removed from my life right now. I can't even imagine what it would be like to be some of these soilders. Some of them seem to old to be going back in to battle... and some of them seem way too young. So sad...
*end*

Anyway, I'm heading back to Jersey for a few days after my final is over on thursday night... I'll probably leave really early on friday morning and then come back to boston on tuesday or wednesday. Not really sure about my return date yet. It'll be good to be back home again though. NJ, here I come :)

Well, it's friday, and another week has gone by. This week has been slightly more exciting than usual. On monday I drove back from NJ and then went to class. On tuesday I wokeup at 5am to be at Harvard at 6am for a cater job, which I have to admit was pretty painful. It's amazing how much you can get accompished by starting your day so early though. I mean, by 2:30pm, I had already worked for 5 hours and done a bunch of stuff for FOCUS... all before my class at 5:30, which I incidentally ended up being late for.
On my way to class, I decided that I had enough time to stop by the caterstaff office to pick up my pay check (which I did), but when I got back on the T, I mistakenly got on the B line instead of the E line (stupid signs look too similar). And I only figured it out when I got to the BU stop, so I had to switch back to the inbound side (and pay), and get out at copley station and switch to the outbound side (and pay again), before I finally made it to Northeastern. Ah well, it could have been worse, I was only 15 minutes late.
Wenesday I spent entirely in the music library pretty much. I really love working there by the way. The people are awsome and we don't do much half of the time. Oh! Tom, Cara, Mark and I all took a Wendy's run after work on Wednesday also. Haha, it was bunches of fun, not to mention that Wendy's is so yummy. :)
Thursday I worked at the music library for a bit, met with a woman from UCCPS about FOCUS, and then had my midterm for A&P, which went pretty well I think. I know I didn't get full marks, but I don't think I bombed it either.
That brings us to today... Woke up a little late (a little late being 8:45), went running with jules (perfect running weather btw), and went into the music library until closing. I also had a yum lunch with Kerry at Panera, which was nice to see her again. After dinner Jules and I went to Barnes & Noble... she read for one of her classes and I read "The Magician's Nephew" by C.S. Lewis, and part of this other book called "The Third Secret." But oh man, talk about Christian symbolism in "The Magician's Nephew." It is C.S. Lewis after all, but it was a good book :)

I don't really know why I'm detailing my entire week right now. I have a bunch of stuff running through my head right now, and I guess this is one of the ways I'm trying to get rid of some of the energy, which is weird, because I'm really sleepy. There can only be one solution to this... g'night.

I am currently (taking a break from) studying for my A&P midterm tomorrow. Tomorrow will be my 6th class. That strikes me as a little weird. Hopefully I'll do okay. I feel like some people in the class have been studying a ridiculous amount... or maybe I will just be sorry tomorrow... We'll see.

I've become Jars obsessed since seeing them in concert again. In some news about them, they will be part of a free concert on June 25th (Saturday) at 6pm in Flushing Meadows (it's in Queens for all of you non-NY area peoples). They will be performing as part of the Billy Graham Crusade along with Tree63 and Nichole C. Mullen. Yes, I know, It's Billy Graham, who's name might scare some of you. I've never really listened to any of his stuff though, so who knows? It could be an experience. And bottom line, it's a free Jars' concert. Who's coming with?

I LOVE Jars of Clay. Tonight was the fifth time that I've seen them in concert, and oh man, they get better every time I see them. Tonight they performed at the BB King's Bar and Grill in NYC. I thought it was a great venue for them, at least size wise. I would say that I was standing about 10 to 15 feet away from the stage. Anyway, they did some awsome songs from their new CD of hymns, along with some of their classics like "Faith Like A Child" and "Flood." They also fused some of their old songs with their new ones, like tacking part of "Worlds Apart" onto the end of a song off of their Redemption CD. (Which I totally have to buy now.) The guys (read: Dan and Steve) were hilarious as usual. At one point they talked about how a lot of hymns used to be sung to the tunes of old drinking songs and what not... so Dan concluded, "If you're going to raise a pint, you might as well do it in praise." Haha, that got an Amen out of a lot of people. :)

The guy that opened for Jars was also really great. His name Christopher Williams, and from what I gathered, he's pretty new to the scene. He really gave an awsome set though. He accompanied himself for all songs either on drum (the bongo type, which he played sometime with a dishwashing brush... it was awsome) or guitar... and at one point, harmonica. He also did a few songs with Steve, which was really great. I'm definitely going to have to check out his songs and website. I such a sucker for acoustic guitar, what can I say?

Besides all of the great music, I also ran into some people that I knew at the concert, which really made my night. The first person was this guy named Peter that I sat next to my senior year of all-state. It's quite funny actually, because I ran into him last summer at a SonicFlood concert that I went to. I was supposed to IM him after that concert last summer, but I didn't have his screename when I thought that I did, so that idea went out the window. But it looks like we were destined to meet again, so we exchanged screenames again. Haha, we said that we'll go to another Jars concert together or something.

I also ran into a few people from Tufts, (Matt Dysart, Jack Grimes and Erica Cruz to be exact) which was really strange. Matt and Jack graduated last year (2004), so it was pretty strange to see them. It was funny actually, I definitely recognized them, since they were senior leaders for TCF and all, and aparently they recognized me too. My mom said that she heard them say something about that girl (me) going to Tufts. I guess I did spend a good amount of time in James' suite prepping for skitzos when they were seniors. It's always fun to be recognized. :)

Soooo, next Jars of Clay concert, August 8th in New Hampshire... who's up for it!?!?

Give to the wind your fear
Hope and be undismayed
God hears your sighs and counts your tears
God will lift up, God will lift up, lift up your head

God will lift up your head...

Don't you love being in a good mood for no apparent reason? I do! My day wasn't even that eventful. I worked at the music library for a bit, FOCUSed for a bit, rested a bit at 'home,' and then had my first class. I'm a bit too hyper to write very well tonight so I think I'll just free write a few snippets about each thing.

I love working at the music library. Five of us were there today, including me, not including abby and michael, and everyone is just so much fun and lovely. Haha, Jamie doing an Anna's run for us tomorrow around lunch, so it'll be a paaarrrttaayyyy.

I also love my two fellow FOCUS coordinators. Dana and Garen are just too funny sometimes. Oh! And our brochures were definitely sent out (we were worried that they weren't), and we got our first ap by mail today! Very exciting if I must say so myself.

My first A&P class was fine. Everything was sorted out, I got my book, and my class is literally 100 meters away from the Ruggles T stop. Very dandy. My teacher seems really nice, and also seems to really know his stuff. He's not a boring lecturer either, which is always good. He also said that lab will probably only run till about 9:30 or so, which is very nice, since it says 10pm on the schedule. I have a lot of studying to do for the next month though... I think it'll be worth it.

Whatelse... I'm loving my Creative Zen Micro so far! Yay for new toys and early birthday presents! ... I had the pleasure of hearing Rev. Fleming Rutlage (isn't that an awsome name?) preach on Sunday at Trinity, long sermon, but really really good... I'm going home for this weekend to have a belated b-day dinner for my dad, and hopefully to see Jars of Clay perform in NYC (who wants do go? You know you do! Especially you Stace!!!) ... It was chilly today, although its supposed to by 90 tomorrow, crazy weather.... Time to study some A&P, night all!!!

My summer plans are finally falling into place. After much suspense and delay, I recieved not one, but two, calls from Northeastern today confirming my registration and my admittance into my A&P (Anatomy & Physiology) class that I wanted to take. So every Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday this next month from 5:30-10pm, I will be studying my butt off down at NU. My day was really made when I was looking at the dates in my planner for the next month. The last day of classes is listed as July 2nd, which bummed me out because I wanted to go see DMB in Saratoga again this summer, and his concerts are on the 1st and 2nd of July. As I looked at my planner, I realized that the 2nd is a Saturday, which means that my last day of classes is the Thursday before that, which is the 30th... which means I can go see Dave! I was very, very happy when I figured this out. Lets hope that I can work out details for the concerts and spending time at Lake George and such.

I also finally got my first assignment for CaterStaff today. Tomorrow I'm working an event at the MIT faculty club. I hope everything goes alright and that I don't make any major mistakes. I'm sure it really won't be that bad... I have heard that MIT has a reputation for not treating its workers that kindly. I hope that particular rumor will turn out to be false.

Things are still going well in Arlington. I feel like I've been here for more than five days though. And strangely enough, I think I am homesick for the first time in my life. During all of my times away at soccer camps and school, I never really got homesick. I think living with a different family (that I'm not related to), makes me realize how much I love my own family and how much I miss them. I also miss driving around, and really knowing where I am going, but that's a very minute detail. I'll be home soon enough...

As of this past friday night, I am now a resident in Arlington, MA. At least for the summer anyway. I have a nice little cozy spot in the basement of Julie's house. I have my own little tv and dresser and bookcase and beside table, its all quite peachy. My only complaint is that it gets pretty cold at night and in the morning. Julie's parents haven't been here since I got here, so we'll see how things go when they get back on tuesday. I'm sure it'll be fine.

This morning I went to Trinity Church for service. I'm so proud of myself! I left the house at 10 past 8 to start making my way to Copley Sq. If you know me well enough, you know that I am not a morning person, but it was worth it. Trinity is so gorgeous... and they're almost done with taking down all of the scaffolding in and around the church. I can't wait till it's all down, it'll be gorgeous. I also got to say hi to Mike (Dangelo), which was fun, he's such a great guy. I must admit that I was surprised by how high church the service was. It was so easy for me to fall into the rhythm of the service, being raised Roman Catholic and all. It was really nice though, I thoroughly enjoyed the service.

My classes start either this upcomming tuesday or next monday. To review, I had a lot of problems registering for classes at UMB, and by the time I tried registering for the third time, both the lecture and all of the labs were full. Option number two: Northeastern. I registered for the class, but apparently that was just an application. There wasn't even a section to submit payment. They said I would get something shortly in the mail, but I still ahven't recieved anything. I tried to call them, but every time there was no answer and the person's mailbox was full. So I'm pretty much in the dark. I've decided that I'm going to crash the UMB A&P class in hopes that someone will drop it and I can get in. The lecture is really no problem, but I'm really worried about the lab. The lab that I wanted to be in also starts on tuesday, so that could be a problem. Wish me luck with that.

It's time to go and be more prodcutive, so here's a little something to leave you occupied... Merriam-Webster has published a list of favorite non-words, here are the top ten:

1. ginormous (adj): bigger than gigantic and bigger than enormous
2. confuzzled (adj): confused and puzzled at the same time
3. woot (interj): an exclamation of joy or excitement
4. chillax (v): chill out/relax, hang out with friends
5. cognitive displaysia (n): the feeling you have before you even leave the house that you are going to forget something and not remember it until you're on the highway
6. gription (n): the purchase gained by friction: "My car needs new tires because the old ones have lost their gription."
7. phonecrastinate (v): to put off answering the phone until caller ID displays the incoming name and number
8. slickery (adj): having a surface that is wet and icy
9. snirt (n): snow that is dirty, often seen by the side of roads and parking lots that have been plowed
10. lingweenie (n): a person incapable of producing neologisms
link

If you're as big of a geek as I am, you will probably appreciate this website that shows you how to mess around with Amazon.com images. Enjoy!

I was all set to spend the night bumming around my house watching tv and whatnot, when my sister calls me. It turned out that she and Paul rushed for tickets tonight for both Wicked and Spelling Bee, and actually won tickets to both, so she gave me the tickets to Wicked.

So after rushing in to NYC to make it to the show on time (the show started at 8pm and my sister told me at 6:40pm), Emma and I got to the theater with 15 minutes to spare. In normal rush style, our seats were great. Second row, all the way to the right. There really wasn't anything to obstruct our vision, except for the occasional actor/actress, so no complaints from me.

The show was absolutely great though! It stunk that Idina Menzel wasn't there anymore, but I thought that the cast did a really great job. Fiyero's voice was a little too poppy, but his main role was to look pretty, and he did a good job of that. The Galinda/Glinda, whatever, was really funny, and we even saw an understudy. The set, costumes, and coreography were all really good too. Not to mention the story that was so great and really creative. I want to read more of this author's works now. The spin that he put on the original story was really imaginative.

Man, I love Broadway.

For the third time this year, I took a trek down to Philly to volunteer at the St. Francis Inn. Man, I really love that place... the people, the atmosphere, everything! I served at the 4:30pm meal there today, and then after cleaning up, I went to the normal 6:30 service that they have. Instead of the usual prayer time, it was actually a mass, which was really nice. Father --- (I can't remember his name) gave a really good homily about how if you live through Jesus everyday, then no day is "ordinary." (Today was the first day of ordinary time, hence where the sermon came from.) There was no hanging out afterwards with the FVMs, because the team dinner was tonight. That was a little sad, but I still had a great time.

So here's a little update on the wonderful FVMs. Matt's going back to college next fall to finish up his last two years; journalism if I remember correctly. Tim is going to be moving to Haiti for two years to work at a school for deprived children. LJ (who was actually there today, gasp) got accepted to the Washington Theological seminary, and will be on his way to becoming a lay minister. And Dan... still doesn't know what he's doing. But that's okay. Making decisions is overrated. Anyway, their year at SFI is up on July 22nd, so I'm going to try to get back down to Philly one last time before that.

Everyone else at the Inn is the same, for better and for worse probably. All of the brothers and sisters are great. Haha, I don't think Fr. Bill remembered ever meeting me before, he's getting old. I saw Carlos, who recognized me, but forgot my name, as always. I still can't completely figure out what his situation is, but it's probably not my place to know. I served a few families today, and the kids were all so cute. I was joking with this one girl who was probably 11 or so about how all of the FVMs are weird. :) It was good times.

So... will I be working at the Inn after I graduate? Who knows for sure. That's two years away after all... but it's quite tempting...

reasons I like being home

• Rice! ...and other good food, but mostly rice
  
• showering without flip-flops
• taking over starbucks with the crowd
• sleeping in my own room
• walking around the house in a tee-shirt and underwear
  
• free laundry
• going to diners at 2 o'clock in the morning
• driving around without worrying about getting lost
• running into people from high school (usually something I like, but not always)
• being doted on by mom and dad, and occasionally kat
• catching up on gossip
• listening to Star 99.1
  
• remembering that even though I haven't seen or talked to most of these people in months, we can pick up right where we left off

Yay for Teaneck, and yay for New Jersey :)

Last night I dreamt that I was in some foreign country and it was Christmas eve. I was with John and some other people at this random church. (Lizzie and Dennis were originally with us also, but at this point were somewhere else.) We weren't inside, but just chilling out in a jeep by the entrance of the church. I don't know why we didn't go in. And all I wanted was to get to Holy Trinity Church for service. I climbed up on the top of the car to see if I could see the church, and I couldn't, so I went inside this random church. I sat for a while, and they were really nice and stuff. But all I wanted was to get to Holy Trinity, and started to cry. The people sitting by me noticed that I was unhappy, and when they found out that I wanted to get to Holy Trinity, they just stood up and made an announcement asking if anyone knew the way, and then everyone offered directions... and then I woke up. Strange dream.

PSF: a year in review
Yesterday PSF had its annual year-end-BBQ and last service of the year. sniffsniff. oh those are just my allergies... :) It was a bit sad though, I'm really going to miss the seniors and Laurie. At least a few of them will be around next year, and I've already decided that I'm going to fly some of them back for the retreats next year. So lets think back to september... :dooDOOdooDOOdooDOOdooDOO:

The fall semester definitely had it's up and down times. Chris came to be our new chaplin, and he was amazing. Great sermons that totally related well to the college scene. Unfortunately, good things didn't last that long and he had to leave us in December. :( That was sad.

After dealing with my fledgling guitar playing for a while, John, aka Tex, came and has been totally rocking ever since. He's definitely not Andy, but John is so great in his own way. He's young, and energetic and so pumped about God, he brings such a great energy to service. Oh, and he also gives us lessons, which are so much fun. His goal is to eventually have us be self-sufficient. Maybe if I just suck on purpose, he won't leave...

I don't think I can really sum up everything that went on this year, some things are probably better off staying in my memories. This year was really great though. I'm not saying that we didn't have any drama and that there weren't some rough spots, but over all, I really love PSF, and I really love the people. I leadership for next year is absolutely wonderful, even though we won't be too productive at meetings :) but that's a-okay. Another great year with PSF!

Reasons why I dislike Medford P.D.
~ They ticketed my car because I violated the "alternate side of the street" parking rule, a rule for which they have no signs about ANYWHERE on the street
~ They towed my car because apparently there was street cleaning this past wednesday night, and my car was parked on the street. They actually improved and put up signs, but when did they put up the signs? Wednesday morning. Big help that is.

case in point: So we're trying to created this good relationship between Tufts Students and the city of Medford, because we are essentially residents of Medford/Somerville during our four years at tufts. The least they could do is inform us about things. We have free programs for the kids that live in your town, not to mention all the community service projects that we run. You think the least you could do is give us better notice about street cleaning.

I know I'm a fool for complaining about something as insignificant as parking tickets (even though this will probably cost me upwards of 150), but dammit, it feels good to complain sometimes.

Update: So I went with Matt to pick up his car, and the tow-guy said that Tufts was the one who wanted the streets cleaned, and apparently they announced it by announcing on loudspeakers right before they towed. Right. Since people actually live on Boston ave where the cars are parked. ::scowl::

But in efforts to end on a good note, I went to AND with Emily tonight and I love Trinity Church. I'm really excited about going there for service this summer... :)

Countdown Spring '05

Finished
~ ASL final exam (I think it went well, but I'm beyond the point of caring.)
~ ASL final expressive (ditto.)
~ IO Psych final (Felt good, Hal is a pretty lenient grader anyway)

Still to come
~ Theory final (fri)
~ Theory composition (fri)
~ Stats final (mon)
~ EN 2 final (wed)
~ EN 2 project (wed)

arrival date in T-neck: Friday the 13th!!!

It's hard to have your mistakes and wrong-doings pointed out to you. Especially when you're not exactly sure why you reacted the way you did, or even when particular events happened. Hopefully they are something to grow from. Unfortunately, I seem to be stuck in a rut in one particular area of my life. Is it something that I need to change about myself? Or maybe I just need to be more accepting and patient of certain things that people do, or don't do. Just one more thing to add to my list of things to work on this summer.

This summer shall be interesting though. June will be super busy with classes (I'm definitely going to UMB) and my new job, and FOCUS... Ah, my new job, I haven't really talked about it yet. So it has been decided that I am going to work for Cater Boston this summer with Julie this summer. I've been wanting to try out the food industry for a while, and this seemed like a good way to get started, since it is really hard to break into the industry. It sounds like it could be fun, and I get $11 an hour. Definitely not complaining about that. I'm still not sure if I'll be working at the Music Library at all, but that'll be more moolah, which is never bad.

In addition to the things mentioned above, I also want to sing with this Harvard summer community choir, and take voice lessons, and guitar lessons, and go climbing... the list really goes on. As I said, it's going to be an intersting summer.

I was surprised by how many of these postcards I relate to. It's comforting in a strange way to know you're not the only one... PostSecret

so this is my mid-morning break before i make the final push to finish my work. Or pseudo finish my work. It baffels my mind to consider what my grades would be like if I didn't procrastinate. I've finally accepted the fact that I can't really do work in my room though. Hellooooo Library for the rest of my time here at Tufts.

So sad thing, I had to cancel the philly trip this weekend because everyone bailed on me. I guess it sorta works out for the best because I do have my IOP paper due on monday that I have... well, a paragraph done on. That'll be fun. I just hope I get to see all of the wonderful FVMs before they all depart from the Inn. I'm hoping to make it down sometime before i start summer classes. Just for a day trip at least.

Speaking of classes, I think I'll be taking classes at UMass Boston. Yes, I'll have no life during the month of June, But I'll be getting more for my money. I think I'll be okay if I have a new music thingy to accompany me on the T. I'll just add that to my list of things to save up for. Okayokay, back to my projects...

so here are the two choices for my summer class

UMass Boston
Bio 207: Gross Anatomy & Physiology I
May 31 - June 30
lecture - MTWRF, 8-10 am
lab - MTF, 10:15-1:15
total fees: $1271 (including transfer of credit fee and all of these extra fees that UMB wants to charge me, not including T money and extra time it takes to get there)

Tufts
Bio 04: Gross Anatomy
May 25 - July 1
lecture - MTR 9am-12noon
lab - ???
total fees: $1460

hmmm....

Impulse purchases as 3 o'clock in the morning are probably not a good idea. Oh well, the CD was only $6.50 inlcuding shipping... it'll be my reward for hopefully getting through the week.

My goal for the week is to get to friday without having a nervous breakdown. Almost went over the edge tonight... thank the Lord for music that has the power to calm, namely "All I Can Say" by David Crowder Band. I think I need to have headphone permenently attached to my head for this week. We shall see...

I went to a gathering at West tonight with Dani and Julie. It was quite interesting. Well, maybe not so interesting. It was pretty much like all the other parties that I've been to at West (all two of them, oh no wait, this makes three...) The weird/interesting thing was how many people I saw that I knew. I saw people from both of my jobs, a heck of a lot of FOCUS people (who are hilarious tipsy btw), including people from my frosh FOCUS group, someone from my IO psycho class... and the list goes on. Maybe I'm just not used to seeing people that I know outside of their respective activites since I hardly ever go to parties. Towards the end though, that "observer" feeling came over me. You know the one. Like you're not really there... you're just looking in at all that is happening and not involved in anyway. Maybe thats just because I was one of the few sober people there...

Now I don't usually go out, but considering the amount of work I did, I thought I should get out of my room tonight. Here was my day pretty much: woke up at 11, ate at 11:45, went to the library at 12:45, left to eat dinner at 6:15, went to the CC to do more studying at 7:30, stayed at the CC until 10:45, at which time I walked back uphill with dani.... All in all, thats about 9ish hours of solid work today, well give or take... I started to lose my concentration around 9pm and slacked off a bit. I'm pretty impressed with myself if in general if I must say so. I've come to the realization that I just can't do work in my room. There's too many distractions. That and I think the internet is my downfall. But I did get about 8 pages of my History of Women in Music class paper fleshed out, and I'm pretty much set with my ASL presentation (I just have to make a poster or something now).

So here's the plan for tomorrow: eat brunch around 11, work at the music library from 12 to 1:30, work on my music theory take-home-quiz and composition until 4:45ish, leadership at 5, dinner at 6, church at 7, essaying from 9pm on... I think I can do it. Man, the next week is going to be fun! But one happy thing is that I'm going to SFI next weekend. Yay!!!

Yay for retreats! The annual PSF spring retreat was this past weekend at Toah Nippi in Rindge, NH. As usual, it was really good. Way to short, but good none-the-less. So I've come to a few realizations in the past few days. But there is one in particular that really hit home.

I've decided that one of the reasons why I get sad so often is that I feel like I have to be perfect. Isn't that the American way after all? To strive to perfection? But no one can be perfect, I'm certainly not. This was really reinforced when I started college and promptly got shot down in everything that I excelled in at THS. But that's real life for you. For some reason I have this mentality if it's not perfect, or really really good, then it's just absolutely terrible. Or if its not perfect, then it's not worth doing. Like singing, or soccer, or guitar, or being a Christian... which is absolutely silly I realized, but something I still can't help from feeling.

We were doing this exercise at the retreat that focused on self-love. The entire idea of this was that you can't love others if you don't first love yourself, loving your neighbors being God's great commandment (in conjuction with loving God with all your might, and all your strength...). The exercise involved writing self-affirming statements on the right side of the paper, and then on the left side write down what your raw response to this statement was. The self-affirming statement was supposed to take something that you didn't like about yourself and turn it into a positive statement. (ex: People don't like me --> I, Tara, have a great personality and people love me... you get the idea). Another thing we had to do was look at ourselves in the mirror and talk to ourselves as if we were trying to cheer up our best friends (I know it sounds cheezy, but whatever). As I was doing the latter part of this exercise, I realized that I really had nothing positive to say about myself. I don't think I'm a good singer, I'm not good enough to make it on the soccer team, I screw up so much when I play guitar in church, and I am struggling so much right now in my walk as a Christian. Sometimes I even feel like all of the cheerfulness that I exude sometimes is just fake and a cover up for what's really inside of me.

Before this becomes a complete sob story, I'll just skip ahead. The only thing that helped me calm down was repeating, "God loves me just the way I am, and that's all that matters," over and over again. And it's true. God doesn't love us because we're perfect beings. God loves us as we are with all of our faults and misgivings. I know all of this, but what I'm struggling with is really accepting it. In accepting this fact, I have to accept my own imperfections, and love myself as I am. Something that I have a really hard time doing, for one reason or another. If God can love me how I am, then I can love myself how I am, and others will love me how I am... perfections and imperfections.

Here are my faults. I don't have a lot to offer, but here I am.

Sorry for lack of postings... I have not dropped off the face of the planet, I merely just have too many things to do. I think most collegiates will agree when I say that the month of April sucks in terms of final papers, projects, and exams. So take all of that, and then consider that a lot of concerts are in April... six of which I am working in the 2 1/2 weeks. Plus FOCUS, and PSF and yadda yadda, blah blah blah... I should really stop complaining, but it good to blow off some steam, right?

Here's an announcement for all of my fellow Teaneckians... I regret to inform that I will not be in NJ this summer. I'm coordinating FOCUS this year, and that requires me to be in Bosotn starting in mid-June/early-July. I really need to have a job this summer, which is not really possible if I divide my time between two different cities, so therefore I am staying in Boston. I should be home for a week or two after finals are over, and I'll try to get home as much as possible, but besides that... no heavy-duty NJ time this summer. Ah well, what can you do?

Italy: Monday

We arrived in Naples, aka Napoli, around 11:30am. We boarded our two busses and drove to our hotel in Sorrento, which took about one-and-a-half-hours. We were all awestruck by the scenery the the drive really didn't feel that long. Italy is really unlike any other country that I have visited. You can at least say that it is unlike any part of the United States. They have this gorgeous species of trees there that people call umbrella trees because, well, they look like umbrellas. I feel like they would fit right in in the african grasslands, but that's just me and my imagination. Anyway, we got to the the Hotel Parco del Sol and settled in. I of course had to be in the room that was the farthest away from everything.

By this time we were all really hungry, and decided to look for a place to eat, but first we had to find bank, because of course, none of us had any Euros. (The exchange rate really sucked by the way.) It took us about 45 minutes to actually get money and find a place to eat, but a group of eight of us ended up at this small pizzaria where we all got some very yummy pizza. The pizza, which is served individual style, only cost like 4 or 6 euro, but in Italy you have to pay for water, because they don't really do the tap water thing. There's also this "sitting fee," but don't ask me to explain that one to you because I think it's dumb.

At 4:15, a walking tour of Sorrento was supposed to leave from our hotel. We didn't have time to make it back to the hotel, but we figured that we were almost to the center of town, so we could just walk the rest of the way there and just meet up with everyone. We walked a few more block to what we thought was the "center of town," and 4:30 comes and goes, and still no busload of American college students. After a while we figured out that we weren't actually in the middle of town, and just walked back to the hotel.

Our last arranged activity for the night was a group dinner in the hotel restaurant, which was really nice. I sat with Ivan, Diana and Laura, and we had a nice convo over a good bottle of wine and dinner. It's nice to be able to do that by the way. To drink tastefully without people making a big deal of it.

I ended the night by taking a walk around our part of Sorrento with Steve, Maggie and Becca. We ended up finding this little terrace on the edge of the cliff that overlooked the sea. It was absolutely gorgeous. Of course it was night, and a litte hazy (it was hazy our entire stay in Italy), but the weather was so nice, and what we could see was beautiful, so I'm not complaining.

End of day one.

Io amo Italia!
About 36 hours ago I returned from a fabulous trip to Italy with the Tufts Chamber Singers and Chorale, or should I say Tutf Chorale and Chamber Singer? I had such an amazing time it's really hard to put it all into words. But I really have to because I have such a hard time remembering things, and this was one trip that I really want to remember. Over the next few days I'll be posting about my trip to Italia, but as they (and we) said, "What happens in Italy, stays in Italy." While the words that I will write will bring back memories, nothing can replace what happened while I was there. I just can't wait until I can go back!

So we all know how much I love Jars of Clay... I was looking at their upcomming tourdates, and there are few concerts in the NJ/NY area! So who wants to go??? You know you all do!!! Here are the ones I would go to (just because of location)...

6/10/05 - BB King Blues Club (NYC, NY)

to be updated...

In the spirit of FOCUS I will do my Highs and Lows for the day.

Lows
2 exams back to back
being achey from various things
having the stupid camcorder tape over my dialouge

Highs
Having 2 exams done with and out of the way!
My ASL exam being easier than I thought it was going to be
Getting a wonderful and hilarious letter from Tim!
Listening to fun praise music
Planning a pre-spring break PSF dinner
Getting back to my room realizing that God helped me get through the day

Even though I was obviously able to see all the things 'wrong' and 'crappy' about my day, I think it's so important to be able to go back and see what was good about the day. Good things aren't always huge, sometimes we just have to look for them. In searching for them, we realize how lucky we actually are. No one's life is perfect, but that doesn't mean that we can't celebrate each day like it is.

"Imagine if you will, that we have nine different pictures of the same building. Each of the pictures is of a different side of the building. Now if someone asked you to show them a picture of the building, you could show them any of the nine pictures. While all of the pictures would answer the question, none of the nine pictures would be the same. This is how I think of religion."
~The Hindu chaplin from MIT & Harvard
(paraphrased from today's religious forum, "The Many Faces of God")

It's late...
And I'm getting really tired. Of everything. Especially of drama and conflict. It would be nice if everything just solved it self while I sleep tonight. Who's getting the double in the apt. Relationship-ish stuff. Church. Sometime I really want to take the easy way out and go spend my days volunteering in Philly or something of the sort. But that would be too easy. What I'm doing right now by complaining is too easy. Here I am, going on about what I think is wrong instead of trying to find solutions. Here I am finding everything wrong and being frusterated instead of being joyful at all of the good that there still is. It's amazing how writing some things out enable you to see how silly you are being.

Right now I am thankful for the wonderful and inspiring music I am listening to. I am thankful that I am not outside in the cold. I am thankful that my belly is full. I am thankful for the circumstances that allow me to be where I am. I am thankful for all of the love and support that God is giving me.

But I pray for courage to do what is right, and the wisdom to know that those things actually are. I pray for all of those who are lost, and for all who are searching. May we find the way. I pray for all of those who need healing, myself included. And as a go to sleep I pray...

Lord, it is night.
The night is for stillness.
Let us be still in the presence of God.
It is night after a long day,
What has been done has been done;
what has not been done has not been done;
let it be.
The night is dark.
Let our fears of the darkness of the world and of our own lives
rest in you.
The night is quiet.
Let the quietness of your peace enfold us,
all who are dear to us,
and all who have no peace.
The night heralds the dawn.
Let us look expectantly to a new day,
new joys,
new possibilities.
In your name we pray.
Amen.

Living in the 370's next year baby! Hillsides that is... I'm pretty happy about the apartment that we got. Sure it's on the third floor, but depending on what stairwell you use, you only have to go up 2 flights of stairs. AND the laundry room is also two floors below us which is very nice. I'm also excited about our hall buddies! Which is none other than Kyle, Jeff, and the rest of their motley crew. It's going to rock next year! Now to figure out who is living in the double...

"Without change there is no innovation, creativity, or incentive for improvement. Those who initiate change will have a better opportunity to manage the change that is
inevitable."
~ William Pollard, CEO of ServiceMaster

...on a side note, I would like to take this chance to remember my beloved T pass, which was scratched on March 5, 2005 at the Davis Sq. T stop at approximately 4pm. It was a great T pass that lasted me over 6 months, giving over 20 free rides on the T. It will be missed greatly. RIP.

"Life is like a game of cards. The hand that is dealt you represents determinism; the way you play it is free will."
~Jawaharal Nehru

"Govern thy life and thoughts as if the whole world were to see the one, and read the other."
~Thomas Fuller

some wisdom I picked up today working at the Children's concert

The world is so much better with graham crakers and juice boxes.
All little kids are really cute, but Asian kids are the cutest.
We definitely had better cartoons when we were little.
Kids movies were a lot scarier back in our day (think 'Labyrinth' and 'The Neverending Story').

I want to be little again and suck on my thumb and not do anything except eat, sleep, poop and play. Those were the good ole days...

"I have learned to seek my happiness by limiting my desires, rather than in attempting to satisfy them."
~John Stuart Mill

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

~care of Laura C

So for Lent one of the things I choose to give up was all extraneous things on the internet/computer. Blogger is not one of the things that I forbade myself from, since it is also like my journal, but I did decide to cut back a little bit, explaining my lack of postings.

Laurie's sermon today was really spot on. She talked about what Lent should really be... a cleansing time for your spirit and and body. She related it a lot to getting away from your 'addictions,' whether they may be to something as serious alcohol or drugs, or smaller things such as tv or video games. An addiction, she said (and I'm really paraphrasing here), is something that you use to fill the void in your soul. This void is not one to be filled by worldly things however, the void is something to be filled by God... your trust in God and His love for you. Laurie then said something that reminded me of a song by Plumb that I used to love, a song that I think is completely applicable...

Does the world seem gray with empty longing
Wearing every shade of cynical
And do you ever feel that
There is something missing?

There's a God-shaped hole in all of us
And the restless soul is searching
There's a God-shaped hole in all of us
And it's a void only he can fill

I don't think I, or anyone else, can say it much better than that.

On a much different note, D and I had our first lesson with John (aka Tex) tonight... so much fun! He taught me a bunch of different chord variations and how to palm mute. I'll just say that I have lots of things to practice. I'm thoroughly in awe of his music skill though. Not only does John rock at guitar, he's also rocks on the piano. Not in the classical sense (well he could, I just don't know), but he's good at improving at what not. I think I'll try to pay more attention to what he's teaching Dennis at the next lesson, in addition to learning the guitar shtuff. Yay PSF all around!!!

Freewriting exercise (2 minutes)
Swing dancing was really fun on friday. I wish I would have gone sooner. Sure, some of the guys were super sketchy, but it's really only one dance so who cares? Some of the fellas were really good dancers though. It would have been cool to dance with one of the younger, more skilled guys, but oh well... maybe next time. Hopefully there will be a next time. I wish we could have stayed a bit longer, but Maya and Maye wanted to go home, which was fine with me. Driving around afterwards with Julie and Dani was so much fun. It felt like I was back at home with my town friends driving around the Hills or Alpine or something. Speaking of nice houses, Montclair (heights to be exact) has some really nice houses. Ahh, and get out of my head, if you would be so kind, thanks :)

Freewriting is an exercise where you write non-stop for a specific amount of time. Even if you don't know what to write, you keep repeating the last word as to keep the train of thought going. I learned about freewriting many summers back when I took an expository writing classes, and still find it fun to do once in a while. I forgot how short 2 minues is though... tara espiritu

"Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent." That being said...

I recommend getting your heart trampled on to anyone
I recommend walking around naked in your living room
Swallow it down (what a jagged little pill)
It feels so good (swimming in your stomach)
Wait until the dust settles

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

I recommend biting off more then you can chew to anyone
I certainly do
I recommend sticking your foot in your mouth at any time
Feel free
Throw it down (the caution blocks you from the wind)
Hold it up (to the rays)
You wait and see when the smoke clears

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

You grieve you learn
You choke you learn
You laugh you learn
You choose you learn
You pray you learn
You ask you learn
You live you learn

Celebrate we will
'Cause life is short but sweet for certain
Hey, we climb on two by two
To be sure these days continue
Things we cannot change

"You don't get to choose how you're going to die, or when. You can only decide how you're going to live. Now."
~ Joan Baez

Classes started up today, which was a little weird in itself. It turned out being a good day overall though. My Women in Music class looks like it will be really interesting and informative, and my teacher seems to really know her stuff. I have the feeling I'll have a fair amount of work for the class, but nothing too bad. My second class today was Musicianship 1, which is basically an intro to music theory class. Andy is teaching it, ie: the class will be really fun and pretty easy. I have this underlying fear that I'm going to say something really stupid in class though and embarass myself. I sorta feel like my performance in the class reflects my abilities as a singer. That's just me being silly though.

One down part of my day was realizing that I'm not elegible to get a scholarship for voice lessons this semester because I'm not registered for Chamber Singers for credit. That means that I probably won't be taking voice lessons at all this semester becuase I'm certainly not paying $550 for lessons. Maybe I can get my advisor to let me register for 6 credits so I can still take lessons. *strokes chin and ponders*

Chamber Singers is going to rock this semester regardless. We had our first rehersal tonight and it turns out that a lot of ex-members are returning, which is soooooo much fun! I'm sad that Jenn won't be singing with us this semester... I understand her reasons for not comming back, but she's such an awsome girl and I'm going to miss her. Sigh... Spring break is still going to rock though! Haha, watch out Italia, here we come!!!

In roughly 12 hours I will be making the 4 hour trip back to Medford to start another semester at Tufts. In many ways I am ready to go back to school. Without classes or a job here at home right now, I feel as if I am wasting my days away. Well, not all of them. I have been out and about doing some things over this break... skiing, going to the St. Francis Inn, painting my room... If you hadn't gathered, the highlight of my break was returning to St. Francis Inn for that one week. During that week I really felt like I could spend my life there, just serving others and spending time in the company of God and the great people of the Inn. Life is so simple and so easy, something I definitely can embrace. Especially in leiu of my upcomming semester with the 7ish classes that I have decided to take.

During the past week I have reexamined what I want to do after I graduate, partly because of a few conversations that I participated in while in Philly, partly because of exploring different degree programs at other schools. Human Factors/Ergonomics/Engineering Psychology is still really interesting to me, but sometimes I feel like I'm majoring in it just because I have nothing else to major in. That or I can't decide what to major in, take your pick. In Philly I was reminded of my desire to have a job where I directly help people, like something in the medical field. Now I am seriously, or more seriously, considering going into physical or occupational therapy when I graduate. I would still get to help people in need, but don't have to kill myself in Med school and I would be able to form relationships with my patients and track their progress.

This doesn't make a huge difference with schooling. Tufts doesn't have an undergrad OT or PT major, and I'm certainly not transferring. I just have to add a few more science classes into my course schedule over the next 2 years, which shouldn't be too hard. I just hope I don't change my mind again. Now would be a good time for discernment...

For the past week I was over in Philly volunteering at the St. Francis Inn. This is the second year that I've went there with PSF for a service trip, but if you don't remember what it is check out what I wrote last year after I came back from my first trip to the Inn.

This year's trip was so absolutely amazing... great times, great people, and a whole lots of faith. You can't get too much better than that. All of the same team members were there, although we didn't get to spend as much time with Fr. Fran as we did last year. We did spend a lot of time with the FVMs though. The FVMs (Franciscan Volunteer Ministers) are young adults, usually right out of college, that spend a year either in Philly or in Deleware doing service. The FVMs this year were these four awsome guys (and total goofballs) named Tim, Matt, Dan and LJ. All of them are recent college grads, except for Matt who just finished his soph year of college and is taking a break before finishing up school. But anyway, they're all really fun and we had some good times playing Cranium and Sorry and just chatting. They all have some really interesting things to say, and I'm glad we all got a chance to meet. It was actually Tim who gave me that quote that I put up the other day by Rilke.

I met some pretty cool guests this year also. There was this one guy Chris who was so much fun to talk to. He's one of those people that Fr. Fran says "has more faith in their pinky than you do in your entire body." It's so inspiring to meet people that are going through some really hard times, yet still have so much faith in God... it's incredible. On our last day there two of the guests also got baptised and confirmed, also equally incredible.

All in all, I love the Inn and all the time I spend there. Life there is just so simple and so real. None of the superficial and fake stuff that you see in college, and basically everywhere else. You wake up, eat breakfast, go to mass, help out the community for a few hours while meeting some amazing people, eat dinner, hang out, and go to bed. Well, thats the gist of it anyway. Less is more, right? One of the Fransiscan vows is to "become poor as Christ was poor as to become rich in God's mercy." All I know that my faith was stronger than ever at the Inn, and if leading a simple life is the way to have that, then so be it. The more I go to the Inn, the more I want to be a FVM for a year or two when I graduate. We'll wait and see what happens in two years. :)

I love St. Francis Inn! God is great!

"I beg you... to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to tlive them. And the point is, to live everything. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer..."
~Ranier Maria Rilke

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