A brief respite

Tonight, for the first time in over a week, I was able to truly take a night off. Sure, I didn't really study much on Friday or Saturday night, but the thought of the impending anatomy exam was hanging over [most] of the first-years' heads. Of course on my night off I end up doing errands/chores, such as laundry and installing a new shower head, etc.

While I hope to do well in grad school, I've definitely reached the point of not caring if I get straight A's or not. My goals are to pass all of my classes (passing being a B-), pass the Boards, and not get too overly stressed out in the process. Are my future employers really going to be looking at my GPA? Of course I want to do well and make myself and my parents/family proud, but I do not feel like it's worth it to freak out about every single exam. Then again, maybe my ideas will change once I get the results back from the three exams that I just took.

These few months have been, and will continue to be, a period of self-discovery and self-defining. I didn't think that grad school was going to be that big of a change, but it's been enough of a change that I think I am redefining myself and figuring out who I am and what I want all over again. This process has been quite invigorating, if not terrifying, but exciting none-the-less. I don't think the core of myself has changed all the much, but rather, what's changing is what I choose to emphasize and how comfortable I am with these things. I do believe I am beginning to talk in circles, so I will end with one of the highlights from the past week.


On May 20th I had the honor of attending Jacob and Heather's wedding, the first wedding of my high school friends. Weird, but if anyone is ready to get married, it's definitely Jacob. What struck me, while I was riding with Nicole to the wedding, is that it felt exactly like high school. Nothing had changed. Sure, we all have college degrees now, and are a few years older, but the essence is still the same. And to a certain extent, I think it will always be that way... we may change, but our friendships will [hopefully] stay the same, always being able to pick up right where we left off. For that, I am thankful.

Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

"Breath Me" by Sia

And that's the way things go...

I think this has been one of the most stressful weeks of the semester... even more so than when I had an Anatomy exam, Anatomy practical and Physiology exam within the span of two days. I have a feeling this week of hell is going to last until the end of next week, which sort of puts a damper on things...
It started last weekend, which didn't really feel like a weekend since I spent the majority of my Saturday working the Parents Weekend "Arts Alive!" Festival at Tufts. Then there's this paper/project for my Occupation & Adaptation (O&A) class that's been hanging over my head that's due next Friday. Just trying to get everything done this week that needs to be done was highly stressful, or maybe not highly, but just more than usual.
Next week I have a midterm on Wednesday, Thursday, and then that paper/presentation on Friday... plus an Anatomy exam the following Monday. Funnn times, yes?

Please excuse my b*tch session, it needed to get out in some medium.

I will say that I had a highly entertaining morning. As part of my O&A class we are observing special needs classrooms in different towns/schools. I (and Sam) are observing a medium-functioning classroom in Lexington HS. We have the pleasure (in my opinion) of going to gym class with the kids for the first part of the morning. I think those 40 minutes was some of the most enjoyable time that I've had in a while. The kids are great and play so well together, despite whatever challenges they are facing. The classroom aides are absolutely hilarious, taking each other out... calling inappropriate fouls on Sam... and just acting ridiculous in general. I think I spent at least half of the time laughing (in a good way) at what was going on. It was also fun to play soccer, even if it was in a really laid-back and relaxed way. I think I would enjoy coaching a soccer team of disabled kids... The rest of the classroom time after soccer was good, although Sam and I were definitely fading slightly. I have so much respect for the teacher and the aides with everything that they have to deal with, every day. I imagine that there is a high turn-over rate among special-ed teachers... but who really knows?

Apparently this is not the week for good relationship karma, because it seems like the majority of the people that I've talked to have been having issues. Deeana attributes it to being about a month into school and early relationships ending and what not. Come to think of it, the past two september/octobers have sucked for me, so maybe there is truth to Deeana's hypothesis. Non-platonic relationships are such funny things. (So are platonic relationships for that matter.) I feel like it's very easy for things to be misunderstood and people's feelings to get hurt. I guess that's the nature of the "game" though. I wonder if the entire online-dating scene has exacerbated/changed this cycle. That would be an interesting study. (I also wonder what the divorce rate is among couple who met online, but I think we need to wait a couple of more decades to start running those studies).

To conclude on a somewhat positive note, we had a guest speaker come in for my Clinical Reasoning I class this week. Steve is a professor in the Classics department at Tufts who contracted Guillain-Barree Syndrome about a decade ago. This syndrome basically causes damage to motor neurons, resulting in varying degrees of paralysis. In Steve's case, he was fully paralyzed at the onset of the disease, and now uses a wheelchair and is functionally mobile with his upper extremities. Anyway, what stuck in my mind was how Steve talked about his therapists. During his stay in the hospital/rehab clinic, the majority of his doctors were okay, but it was his therapists and nurses that made the biggest impact on his rehab. It was his therapists that really got to know him and his condition, and really cared about his progress. In regards to his OTs, he said that they were really good at finding creative ways to allow him to get better and to increase his independence. Basically, they allowed him to live again.

This is exactly why I want to be an OT.

Today was another long day at work. During parents weekend we usually hold a 'parents weekend concert' through the music department. This year, it was decided that there would be an entire "Arts Alive" section of the weekend, include multiple performances of many different disciplines across various stages/venues. I was one of the first student staff members to arrive, getting to Tufts at 11:30am, with the festival starting at 2:30p and ending around 7:30/8pm. Despite the overall craziness and how much being on your feet for 8.5 hours is tiring, it was still a pretty good day. Draining, but good. The fact that I enjoy my job so much makes me wonder if I'm doing the right thing by going into OT. Is OT my greatest joy that is also the world's greatest need? I'm not 100% sure, but I think so...

This being my fourth year in events managing, I'm fairly comfortable doing what I'm doing. I've learned how to accommodate to the needs of the performers and audience members as best as possible, while still being a b*tch if need be to get things done. It's a very fine line that you have to walk as an events manager (in my opinion), but it's not that hard once you get the swing of it.

I had a moment of unexpected near-bliss tonight, which was really surprising, but also very pleasing. Now I love music, and music of all kinds, but it is rare for a piece to really grab hold of me and capture my attention to it's fullest. I can remember the first time I vividly had this feeling... it was during a chamber music concert my junior year. I was working the concert when one of the string quartets began to play Beethoven's String Quartet No. 15, Mvt. III. I can remember being in awe of the piece and my heart soaring along with the rises and falls in the music. It was absolutely breathtaking. I'm sure this was not the best that this piece had ever been performed in the history of music, but the feeling was certainly one of remembrance.

I recaptured a bit of this feeling this evening while I was listening to the Orchestra perform the first movement of Beethoven's 1st Symphony. (Oh Beethoven again, I just realized the coincidence... interesting.) I don't know what it is, but music has this magical ability to kindle feelings inside of you that are hard to get elsewhere. I do not believe my words properly convey what I felt, so I think I will use the words of those before me...

"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life."

"Music is what feelings sound like."

"Music is an outburst of the soul."

"Music is the literature of the heart; it commences where speech ends."

I could go on and on, but I think you get the picture...

In Memory...

Today I attended a memorial service for one of my dear friends, David Rawson Jr. David and I sang together for four years at Tufts. I have so many memories of David, I don't even know where to start. I guess the beginning will suffice...

David and I first met in the dining hall during freshman orientation. I was eating with my [now] best friend, and he introduced himself and asked if he could join us. When I told this story to David for the first time he didn't remember our first encounter, but I did. David had a smile and a charm to him that was hard to forget. Then we ended up auditioning for Chamber Singers, and both got in, and thats where our real friendship started.

I really got to know David during our tours to Italy and Spain. In Italy we shared wine and home-made mozzarella, spent too much money on drinks, and watched a brawl start (and end) right by a restaurant we were eating at. In Italy, Diana and I taught David (as well as the other boys) how to meringue and salsa; we sang (without permission) in one of the biggest tourist attractions in Toledo, and bypassed groups of Americans waiting to get into clubs.

I know that all sounds a little frivolous, so I guess I'll just say that David was such an amazing person. Always positive, never spoke negatively about people, intelligent, caring, I really could go on. David's life on this earth ended too early, but his presence will be felt for a long time...

(me, David & Andrew)

So I talk about AND a lot (okay, maybe just occasionally, but whatever), and I'm sure that some of you must be thinking, "What is all of this AND business?" Well, one of our lovely new members (Geneva) started a bulletin board, so if any of you are interested in reading about what I do on Thursday nights, check it out...

http://andtrinity.proboards98.com/index.cgi

(feel free to join in the discussion, even if you don't currently attend AND, or never plan on attending AND)

Lost in Translation

Sad, Lisa Moore from Funky Winkerbean died.

That aside, AND (A New Day...) was really good today. My favorite factoid of tonight is that when you translate "Abba" from the original Aramaic into English, the word is "Daddy." Not "Father" or "Lord," but "Daddy." Now "Abba" is the term that Jesus often uses to refer to God. I don't know about you, but that sorta rocks my world and put an entirely new spin on things for me. The use of the word Daddy instead of Father or Lord adds this entirely new level of intimacy. God is no longer just a disciplinarian (ref: Col 3), but now also a loving dad that you can go to with all of your fears, worries, and scrapped knees... or someone you can run to to celebrate that new job or acceptance into grad school. From my experience in the world of Christian communities, I feel like people often feel that God is distant and so far removed from plain 'ole human existence, which apparently is not the case. But enough of me proselytizing (if you know me well enough, which you probably do if you're reading this, you know I don't do that anyway), Mike D's "lesson" today rocked my socks and hopefully this will put my spiritual life back on the upswing.

On a completely random note (but not too random if you were at AND), I am a pretty firm believer that you are entitled to your own beliefs (as long as these beliefs don't cause harm to other people). But if you must protest, please do not do it with pictures of aborted fetuses. I know what 1st and 2nd term abortions look like. I DO NOT think that young children need to know what they look like, and if you are going to protest in a public area during a busy time of day, you are exposing children to something that is (in my POV) really inappropriate.

(Steps off the soapbox)