real insight, uncensored
dammit. why won't my mother let me drive to the metro game tomorrow? My freakin judgement is not impared because I'm on prednisone.
Ugh, I'm in such a pissy mood right now.
I hate playing second fiddle. Oh I'm sorry, did it hurt when I said that I'm used to it? Well its true.
I missed you today. I guess thats normal when you walk around the streets and see every third person holding hand with their significant other. But in spite of it all, I thank you, because you indirectly safegaurded my emotional and physical purity. Author Josh Harris says that purity is not a line to be crossed, but a direction to be followed. So I thank you for allowing to go in the right direction. I also apologize for all the bitchy things I said and did. There is no reason I can think of for why you should forgive me, so I understand if you don't. You do realize that the reason why it probably affected me as much as it did becaue you were my first and I never really had to deal with a break up before. Just another one of life's lessons.
Why does God kill people that are loved and needed so much on this earth? I know that He has a reason for everything he does, so I pray that he lets those suffering understand some of his reasons. I also pray for strength for these people. Dealing with the death of a loved one is never easy. I haven't really had to deal with a really close death yet, so I really wouldn't know. One of my uncles died before, but I didn't really know him all that well, so I felt pretty detached from the entire situation. Well... the reality of it all is that life is a fatal disease. haha, thats something positive to think about.
While sorta on the subject, I'm disgusted with how far I have fallen away from God. I think it is absolutely horrid. And even though I am so far away from The Lord right now, I still go on judging people. What's my deal? "Well, this person dances all narsty and I don't, but they're really 'Chrisitian,' so if they go to Heaven, so will I." Isn't that the stupidest thought process you've ever heard? And is not having Hi-BA really an excuse for falling? I think not. Just another way to make me feel better I guess.
I feel like crying. I don't know why. I just do. I'm mad that I can drive tomorrow. I'm mad that I don't lead a "good Chrisitan" life. I'm mad that I'm a spoiled brat. I'm pissed that I could never have enough talent to be on broadway. I'm pissed that I'm sitting here at my computer at 12:50 at night complaining about stupid arse stuff. Ahhh... is that a tear I feel running down my cheek? ::sniff:: yup.