reasons
I was talking this over with leigh tonight, or rather earlier this morning, and I got to thinking about why I'm really playing soccer next year. It really must be for the love of the sport, I've come to terms with the fact that I won't be doing anything serious with soccer when I get older, I just don't have it. And ya know, that's fine, cause I love the sport. But since I'm doing just for the love of it, is it really worth putting myself through the stress of playing a varsity sport in college? I'm already behind in training this summer, especially now that I sprained my ankle again. And I hate training by myself. Sure, I can run as much as I want, but its not the same as scrimmaging and drills and whatnot. I think I'm really afraid that I'll show up in September for tryouts an get my butt totally kicked, and then I would feel like scum. Why not just do intramurals? I guess I'm looking for something more competitive, and I know that intramurals just won't cut it. I like playing soccer against opponents that are good, playing hard, sweating up a storm, and coming home knowing that I played my butt off. Its times like these that I forget why I play, and why I have been playing since I was five years old. But part of me remembers the feeling of stepping on a field with cleats and being somewhat decent at something. I know I'm not all that good, but then again, I'm not all that bad either. I held my own against the best of them during these past four years of HS, but will my best really cut it? I don't want college soccer to be another stressfull activity, just like HS has been, but I want it to be something fun that I really love doing. I also don't want it to take up all of my free time. What about a capella and IV and all of that? I want to get the full college experience at Tufts, just not part of it. Ach, I worry to much....

ps: Marissa! if you're reading this, call me sometime to train! I don't know if your still working or not, but I'm off this entire week from work except from 2 - 6 on thursday. You know how to reach me!