Hmm.... Why must I always sign onto AIM when I'm at my computer even though I have no intention to talking to people? Doesn't that defeat the point of instant messanger? I do talk to people a lot, but a lot of the time I have my away message up so I can focus on work and actually get things done. I sorta feel like being signed on makes me part of a community... I'm validating my existance to the world in a small way. Somehow I feel less alone in this huge world when I'm connected to this vast net of communication. I guess it's just like Jean-Paul Sartre (and existentialists in general if I can remember correctly) said... our existance is defined by those around us... Hmmm... well considering who I am surround by sometimes, I hope not.

oye. I need to stop leaving my keys in my room...

Ahahahaha, apparently I had a 5 minute conversation with my roomate last night.... while I was sleeping. Now I knew that I talked in my sleep. My parents have told me before that they have heard me mumbling sometimes when they came into my room to check on me... but a full-fledged conversation?!?! Hehehe, this is all so humerous. Apparently around 1:30ish this morning (I went to sleep aroun 12:45) I "told" my roomate to turn off the computer and go to bed because I was going to bed now. And then we got into this argument about how I said that I had been reading in bed this entire time while Kerry said that I hadn't because she knew I hadn't. Hahaha, and this apparently went on for about 5 minutes with me speaking perfectly clear most of the time (I was pretty incoherent the other times). Oh man... and I seriously don't remember any of this. Hehehe, my explanation is that aliens kidnapped me for a little while last night and Kerry was talking to an alien that took my place. Hahaha, yeeeaahhh :D

woah, i just watched the Animatrix movie "The Second Renaissance - Part 1." It was very, well disturbing. It was impossible to ignore the parallels between "the machines" and the numerous groups that have been oppressed during the couse of human kind. Even though it was just an animation, it reminds me of human beings and how we do not always like to accept the unknown. And how we can be so incredibly cruel sometimes. We have so much power to create and invent and to love... but we also have so much power to love and destroy...

Workin' it
yea yea... Today was the 11th annual Harvard Beginners' Ballroom Competition... Let me just say that it was so much freakin fun and that I love the entire TBD team. Haha, from screaming for eachother during the comp, to dancing at the Harvard T stop while waiting for the train to come... everyone is just the coolest. :-D Aarthi and I did pretty well also. For foxtrot we got to the semi-finals (which is crap, but anyway) out of about 150 plus couples. and for Swing we came in 5th place out of the same number of couples. Ooooo yeah, whut whut?!?! The couples dancing in the Silver category did really well also (Silver=people dancing for 2 years or less), We swept in either tango or waltz, it was awsome! Yeah Tufts! I can't wait till the next comp :)

We had our annual Parents' Day Music show tonight.... Mmm.... I dislike feeling under-appreciated. It sucks when you work really hard to have something be good, and people don't realize how difficult the material is. Now I'm not saying that we performed spectacularly... but the music we're singing is really challenging, and even though it wasn't awsome by any standard, it was still pretty good... I guess it'ls whatever appeals to the audience.

in·fat·u·a·tion
(n) 1. A foolish, unreasoning, or extravagant passion or attraction. See Synonyms at love.

Ya know, I always do this. I always say that dating/realtionships aren't high on my list of priorities right now... Then why am I always thinking, "hmmm, I wouldn't mind dating so-and-so." I do it all the freaking time. And then I end up not focusing on what I should be... like school and my walk as a Chrisitian and bunches of other stuff. And then I get all disappointed when i find out that they're interested in someone or other. I guess it's just normal though, right? Hah. Normal.

A girl asked a boy if she was pretty.
He said no.
She asked him if he wanted to be with her forever.
He said no.
She then asked him if he would cry if she walked away.
He again said no.
She had heard too much.
She needed to leave.
As she walked away, he grabbed her arm and told her to stay.
He said,
You're not pretty. You're beautiful.
I don't want to be with you forever. I need to be with you forever.
And I wouldn't cry if you walked away. I would die.

oye, look at me being a big mushball again :)

Ooooo yeeaaa
The Tufts JV Womens' Soccer team rose victoriously again today to defeat Harvard 3 to 2! :) hehehe, it was a good game though. My soccer story of the day: I was marking this girl from Harvard and she made a little small talk while someone went to go get a ball that went out of bounds. The conversation went something a little like this:

So what grade are you in?
Oh I'm a frosh.
Me too. So do you like Tufts?
Yeah, I really love it!
That's cool. Tufts was actually my first choice... I wanted to go to the Fletcher School of Law and Diplomacy... but Harvard offered me more money so I decided to go here...

Isn't that a little funny? ...and strange... but yeah, that was my little interesting tidbit. Ah, and while I'm talking about Harvard... The Harvard Beginners Competition for ballroom is on saturday, October 25th at 3pm... you guys should all come and watch your fellow Tufties beat everyone ;) but seriously, it'll be a lot of fun... admission is free :) so if you're not doing anything, stop on by and say hi!!!

ahhhhh.... who made up these stupid math theorems?!?! someone please tell me why the series 1/n is not divergent but the limit is still 0..... AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

yeah yeah!
Today the Tufts Ballroom team held their annual Mock Competition of 2003 for the newbies. Ooo... I just have to say first that it was so much fun. We all got to dress up all pretty and put on lots of dramatic make-up and all that jazz. At the mock comp we did six different dances, three smooth and three latin. The smooth dances that we did were foxtrot, waltz, and tango... and guess what? Aarthi and I came in "first" place for foxtrot and tango! Boooyaaahhh... yeah girl-girl couples!!! haha, I was so biased when we were cheering for people, I always cheered for the girl-girl couples the loudest :) Anyways, we ended up coming in third overall for smooth... I think we would have been placed higher, except we didn't place at all for waltz... its okay though. I'm extreemly happy that we did that well. We also got 4th (or 3rd, I can't remember) for swing, which means that we're going to compete for Tufts at the Harvard Beginners' Comp as part of the B-team... haha, what now?!? Oye, okay, I'm done :)

I have a lot of things to write about, yet none of them seem really important right now. I'm feeling very... impartial... towards everything right now... ::shrug::

standing up
pre-marital sex has been the topic of much conversation in the past few days. I talked about it with Anu and Monic during lunch yesterday, and then after bible study for a bit with James... It's hard enough being a young adult in today's society and being against pre-marital sex... but yesterday I realized to a further extent how much harder it is for guy of my age to have the same stance that I do. If you're a girl (which I'm sure you know I am) it's not so bad. Alot of people say that "I'm saving myself" and people just accept their answer and leave them alone... but if you're a guy, you get ridiculed, called a wuss (or a "fag"), get your masculinity questioned and what not. I just really think that sucks for them. I don't understand why it should be so much harder for guys than girls to have the same stance on something... But you know, more power to the guys that have the courage to voice their views and stick with it... you have my respect...

grrr.... stupid people having a firedrill at 2:30 in the morning... haha, its not like I was asleep anyway, but it was annoying, and some people had been woken up.... plus it was cold and raining :) hehehe, it was an adventure none-the-less

update: what is NOT cool is having another fire drill at 4:30.... when its cold and pouring and blahhh.... stupid malfunctioning fire alarm system... I thought I had escaped that once I left THS...

"The more things change, the more they stay the same. I'm not sure who the first person was who said that. Probably Shakespeare. Or maybe Sting. But at the moment, it's the sentence that best explains my tragic flaw: my inability to change.

I don't think I'm alone in this. The more I get to know other people, the more I realize it's kind of everyone's flaw. Staying exactly the same for as long as possible, standing perfectly still... It feels better somehow. And if you are suffering, at least the pain is familiar. Because if you took that leap of faith, went outside the box, did something unexpected... Who knows what other pain might be waiting out there. Chances are it could be even worse.

So you maintain the status quo. Choose the road already traveled and it doesn't seem that bad. Not as far as flaws go. You're not a drug addict. You're not killing anyone... Except maybe yourself a little.

When we finally do change, I don't think it happens like an earthquake or an explosion, where all of a sudden we're like this different person. I think it's smaller than that. The kind of thing most people wouldn't even notice unless they looked at us really, really close. Which, thank God, they never do. But you notice it. Inside you that change feels like a world of difference. And you hope this is it. This is the person you get to be forever... that you'll never have to change again."

I've recently come to the conclusion that seeing everyone again at homecomming is going to be really weird. I have a feeling that I am going to be floored by how much people have changed in the span of 3 months... the group of people that I hung out with in highschool we're pretty much all-straightedged, but I think that a lot of people changed their "extracurriculars" once they got to college... we shall see.... just all of you be carefull, okay?

Dante's Inferno Test
I am in Purgatory...
You have escaped damnation and made it to Purgatory, a place where the dew of repentance washes off the stain of sin and girds the spirit with humility. Through contrition, confession, and satisfaction by works of righteousness, you must make your way up the mountain. As the sins are cleansed from your soul, you will be illuminated by the Sun of Divine Grace, and you will join other souls, smiling and happy, upon the summit of this mountain. Before long you will know the joys of Paradise as you ascend to the ethereal realm of Heaven.

What level of hell are you in?

home again
Ahhhh... so I'm finally back home (home as in Teaneck) now after about 7 weeks... I left on August 21st... wow. It seems like such a long time ago. So much has happened in such a short amount of time... It feels really weird to be home though. Surreal almost. I guess it's because I don't really feel like I've been at school all this time. It feels more of like a summer camp type thing. I'm so used to school being from 8am to 3pm that having 2 or 3 classes a day doesn't really feel like school. Don't get me wrong, I have as much work as anyone, but it's just different. Well, college is different than everything else, so I guess it's so be expected. Mmmm... being at college makes you appreciate your own bed, single bathrooms, and home cooked meals so much more :)

Friday Five
1. Do you watch sports? If so, which ones?
Yup, only one though. Soccer, of course, the greatest sport in the world!
2. What/who are your favorite sports teams and/or favorite athletes?
Favorite teams: NY Power (even though the WUSA is no long in existance), the NJ/NY Metrostars, and Juventus.
Favorite players: Michelle Aikers (retired), Landon Donovan, Pele
3. Are there any sports you hate?
I don't hate any sports persay.... I'm not too fond of ice hockey, golf, american football, and baseball though... haha, I think I'm a european at heart....
4. Have you ever been to a sports event?
Mmhmm... I've been to a good number of soccer games... MLS, WUSA, World Cup, European exhibition... Oh. I also went to a NBA game way back in the day with Jarr.
5. Do/did you play any sports (in school or other)? How long did you play?
Yup. I've played soccer from age five till now...

Haha, see any trends?

Oh my gosh, shut the heck up... I honestly don't care that the freaking Red Sox won their game... Actually, I don't even follow baseball, as unamerican as that is... grr... you think this makes it any easier to write a freakin lit paper? my gosh.... from what I can tell, there are hundreds of people on the main waud right now celebrating... whoop de freakin do... and what's the point of yelling "Yankees suck"? Did you play the yankees just now? I thought not....

sweeeettt... Tufts v. Harvard.... 4 - 2. Ahhh... it's so satisfying when you play a great game :)

I can't believe they lost... on home turf none-the-less... darn. I can't believe I missed that game... this stinks

rant No. 539
my gosh. I'm sorry, but what is the facination of college kids and getting drunk. I can sorta understand why people would have the occasional mixed drink or what not, because they taste good, but what's the point of drinking yourself into a stuppor or even to the point of poisoning? Do you have a freaking death wish? I'm like come on. I know that many of you that may read this drink, and may disagree with many thing that I have/will say, but we are all entitled to our own opinions... arghh... I was walking back to my room from hanging out in Davit's room in Tilton, and lo and behold, there's an ambulance outside one of the frats (surprise surprise). But not just TEMS (Tufts Emergency Medical Service), but a real ambulance. are you friggen stupid or something?!? Ya know, 'cause acting like a complete dumbass after getting smashed isn't enough... you have to go all the way to drinking soooo much alcohol that you have to be taken to the hospital and have your stomach pumped or something of the sort. So what?!?! is drinking cool? is it fun? is it something to just do? someone give me a friggen clue here cause I have no idea. Grrr... it just gets me so angry... maybe I'm biased because I have never gotten drunk before, but I really don't see the point. Sigh... I don't really know what to say anymore, I can't even geting out everything I want to say into words... it's just soo... frusterating for lack of words. You know, I really love you guys, but I really can't comprehend some of your decisions... you know that I'm usually the "mom" of the group... and this is one of them... do you think that I don't worry about you guys when you tell me what happened on various nights when you've drunk too much? Seriously. geez. whatever. I'm done.

close encounters of the other kind
Like many other nights, Me, Kerry, Dani, and Meggers and chillin in Dani's room enjoying a nice, relaxed night. Out of no where comes these two guys, Jason and Joe, aka G.I. Joe... they were really nice guys and we had a nice chat about randomness... school, the military (he is/was a marine), the frats, they guy that goes around stealing stuff (don't ask), drinking, etc... it was just really weird... oh and apparently, he's a sophomore, but 23 years old, and he played for the Yankee's A team, and was an instructor in the marines.... but yeah, two guys out of no where... the strange stuff that you experience in college... well, semi-strange.. i'm sure other stuff will happen that's stranger in the next four years

and on...
you know what never ceases to amaze me? how hard some of my friends try to convince me that I should date. Or that I actually do want to date, and I'm not just admitting it. Rigghtttt... I've been trying to work out my stance on dating ever since I frosh/soph year of highschool... and I'm still trying to figure it out to this day. Let's recap my thoughts over the years, not for you, but for me as well... I guess you can say that my views on dating became all "archaic" once I became a "born-again Christian" for lack of better words. I basically re-prioritized what was important in my life and decided that dating wasn't one of them, especially in high school. So I adopted the stance that I wasn't going to date until I was of marrying age... or at least until I was in college. I figured that there were so many other important things to focus on in highschool that I shouldn't let relationships distract me. On the flip side, I could have just been disallusioning myself. See, I was never asked out in high school (till Ben that is), and maybe by saying that "I don't date" made me feel better about not being asked out. (logic: even if I was asked out, I would have said no, so it was okay that I was a loser and wasn't asked out). So yes, I was a steadfast believer in not dating in high school, until Ben decided to ask me out senior year, and I said yes. Wow. I broke my resolve pretty darn quickly. That makes me think I wasn't so steadfast to begin with. Fortunately (or unfortunately, I haven't decided which yet), that relationship didn't last too long. So I graduated from high school the same way I entered, single and freakin proud of it. In contrary to popular belief, singleness is a gift that shouldn't be wasted. You have so much more freedom, and the chance to form quality friendships with people without one single person demanding a lot of your attention.
So now I'm here in my freshman year at Tufts University. As for my stance on dating... it's very unsteady right now. I can tell you what I'm definitely not doing though. None of this random-hooking-up stuff (clarification: when I say hook-up, i mean make out, not the other more serious thing), or actually hooking up with people that I haven't been in a relationship with for that matter... and well, that pretty much sets the base for my current ideology. Seeing as how that rules out anything beyond kissing. And yes, in case you were wondering, I'm one of those people who believe in no sex before marriage, but that's an entire other topic to be discussed at a later time.
Getting back to the original thought-processess, I'll often think that it would be nice to have a boyfriend... I won't lie and say that I have never "lusted" after a guy before... I think it's part of our nature as humans. I am not one of those girls that actively searches for a boyfriend though. I figure that relationships, and love for that matter, is one of those things that just finds you... you don't find it. So should I date? Or a better way to pose this question (since I would never act on my own accord), so I go on a date with a guy if he asks me? What is the "right" time to start dating? I feel like relationships that aren't focused on the physical aspect are okay, and that I'd like to have something like that... hahaha... do you really want to know what my "dream" is? Have you ever seen A Walk to Remember? Well yeah, I want that... well not specifically that, but I love the type of relationship that Jamie and Landon have. of course I'm not looking for marriage yet because after all, I'm only 18, but just the pureness (if that's a word) of the relationship was so nice and refreshing... especially after observing the people in my highschool play the dating game... hmmm.... so yes, after all of that thinking I still have not come to a single concrete conclusion. It'd be nice if I could figure out what I want/should do, considering my semi-new situation... Does anyone have anything to add? Especially from a religious standpoint...