::shiver::
oooo... when I come back from Philly, I'll be opening up at work all by my self and no one will be there until 2. That means 4 hours of just me working in the store.... that's reallllyyyy scarry. What if I don't know what to do? Who will I ask? Ahhh!!!

New must see movie
Love Actually.... soooo incredibly good. I don't want to say anything about it in fear of ruining it, but sooo cute. :D

Last Poem I Write
by Nina

attention
all readers
this poem
is probably a lie
i can never help myself
from popping open
the stitches on my heart
easing my hand in
pulling out
what ought to stay inside
and smearing it on paper

back on the job
I just got back from my first day back at Claire's :) the time passed pretty quickly I would have to say. It went well except for the fact that I had to be there at 9:30, which meant waking up at 8:30... that was hell, but I'm getttinnnggg ppaaaiiiddd!!! ::biggrin:: For this week, I'm working three four-hour shifts... if I get paid, day $6.75 and hour (my summer salary), thats 12 * 6.75 = 81! Now I know that 81 bucks isn't all that much... but if you're broke any money is good. Wouldn't you agree? there's also a chance that I'll be getting paid more because I think I'm going to be a third-key (ie: more responsibilites) because I'm legal now. haha, but I'm not sure about that raise yet, but wouldn't that be nice? Ohhh... i just remembered taxes though.... damn government...

After watching Black Hawk Down, I just have one thing to say. War is ugly. But I know that the fighting will not cease anytime in my lifetime. Soilders are normal people like you and I, yet they choose to have their physical and emotional limits pushed to the max. And for that, I applaud them and give them the respect they deserve. As TIME magazine wrote recently, they really are the people of the year.

Merry Christmas everyone!!!
"Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord."

"You must understand the whole of life, not just one little part of it. That is why you must read, that is why you must look at the skies, that is why you must sing and dance, and write poems, and suffer, and understand, for all that is life."
-- J. Krishnamurti, Indian Philosopher

tv time
since I've had an insane amount of free time on my hands, I've been catching up on my daily allowance of tv time/movie time. Over the past few days I've seen...
Lord of the Rings: Return of the king~ definitely a must see. It was a great book to begin with and the movie was as equally as amazing. Great plot, great characters, an incredible amount of emotion, and an awsome battle scene. Ooo, and there's definitely an added bonus that can be summed up in two words. Orlando Bloom. (yesyesyes, sorry. I'm a girl. at least I'm honest) Oh, and while you're at it, you should watch the other two LOTR movies... oooo, so good. I watched a bit of the first two movies again this weekend because they were showing them on tv.
Dogma~ I would definitely recommend seeing this movie too. I will give out the general warning that many people will probably find parts of it offensive, but I still think it's a must see. I have to admit that I agreed with some of the things they said in that movie about organized religion and Christianity on the whole. Just my opinion though.
40 days and 40 nights~ very funny movie about a guy that abstains from and sexual contact for Lent. worth renting.
**hmm... I feel like I watched more movies than that, but it was probably just the random tv shows that I've watched over the past few days. I'm quite peeved about missing the last eppy of ALIAS this past sunday though. I guess I'll just have to read a review and wait for the rerun. ahhh... don't you just love the feeling of your brain atrophying as you bum it in front of the tv though?

Take me back to the time / When I was maybe eight or nine / And I believed / When Jesus walked on waters blue / And if He helped me, I could too / If I believed

Before rationale, analysis and systematic thinking / Robbed me of a sweet simplicity / When wonders and when mysteries / Were far less often silly dreams / And childhood fantasies

Help me believe / 'Cause I don't want to miss any miracles / Maybe I'd see much better by closing my eyes / And I would shed this grownup skin I'm in / To touch an angel's wing / And I would be free / Help me believe

When mustard seeds made mountains move / A burning bush that spoke for You was good enough / When manna fell from heavens high / Just because You told the sky to open up / Am I too wise to recognise that everything uncertain / Is certainly a possibility? / When logic fails my reasoning / And science crushes underneath / The weight of all that is unseen

Help me believe / 'Cause I don't want to miss any miracles / Maybe I'd see much better by closing my eyes / And I would shed this grownup skin I'm in / To touch an angel's wing / And I would be free / Help me believe

When someone else's education / Plays upon my reservations / I'm the first to cave, I'm the first to bleed / If I abandon all that seeks / To make my faith informed and chic / Could You, would You show Yourself to me?

Help me believe / 'Cause I don't want to miss any miracles / Maybe I'd see much better by closing my eyes / And I would shed this grownup skin I'm in / To touch an angel's wing / And I would be free / Help me believe

Help Me Believe by Nichole Nordeman

Friday Five a day late
1. List your five favorite beverages.
Hmm... now what do you mean by beverages? I'll say (in no particular order) sparkling apple cider, fuzzy navels, strawberry daquaries, vanilla chai lattes, and... oh i don't really know.
2. List your five favorite websites.
Gamehouse, Xenith, Tufts Life, Comics.com, and any of the various blogs that i read
3. List your five favorite snack foods.
Cheezits, goldfish, apple sauce, chocolate, andddd... mm... whatever i've just stolen from carmie.
4. List your five favorite board and/or card games.
Taboo!, Monopoly, Eqyptian Rat Race (card game), Spit (card game), i guess scategories or jungle jame :)
5. List your five favorite computer and/or game system games.
You don't know jack! Spyder Solitare, Jeopardy, Duck Hunt, Double Bubble

ah, I'm at a loss for words... the Dave & friends concert was so incredibly amazing... so much talent...so much energy... ::biggrin::

oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh... please let the grade i'm seeing for calc on SIS be my grade on the final exam and not for the semester...

yay!!! I'm all done!!! no school for 5 weeks!!! ::does a little happy dance:: :D

A bit of wisdom
"Joy, my friends, is something much greater than happiness. You can only be happy when everything is going right. But, when your life is in shambles and you can still smile and praise God…that is joy at work. True joy is so much more beautiful than happiness and is all-consuming. You can’t lose it because it isn’t dependent upon circumstances."

A few nights ago my friends and I were discussing different religions as we all ate dinner. My one friend said that after taking her intro to Islam class, that Islam seems like the most sensible religion. I'm sure that I cannot explain her thoughts as well as she did, but she said something similar to, 'Islam just makes sense... there is one God who cannot take for or have any human characteristics.' Okay, I paraphrased that really poorly, but during the conversation we were talking about the Holy Trinity and God v. Jesus and are they the same, etc. etc. This conversation reminded me of a story that I read a while back and I just thought I'd share it with you.

There was once a man who did not believe in either the virgin birth of Christ nor the spiritual meaning behind it, and was skeptical even about God. He and his family lived in a farm community. His wife was a devout believer and diligently raised her children in the faith. He sometimes gave her a hard time about her belief and mocked her religious observances.

"It's all nonsense -- why would God lower himself and become a human like us? It's such a ridiculous story," he said.

One snowy day, she and the children left for church while he stayed home. After they had departed, the winds grew stronger and the snow turned into a blinding snowstorm. He sat down to relax before the fire for the evening.

Then he heard a loud thump, something hitting against the window... And, still another thump. He looked outside but could not see anything. So he ventured outside for a better view. In the field near his house he saw, of all the strangest things, a flock of geese. They were apparently flying to look for a warmer area down south, but they had been caught in the snowstorm. The storm had become too blinding and violent for the geese to fly or see their way. They were stranded on his farm, with no food or shelter, unable to do more than flutter their wings and fly in aimless circles. He had compassion for them and wanted to help them. He thought to himself, the barn would be a great place for them to stay. It is warm and safe; surely they could spend the night and wait out the storm. So he opened the barn doors for them.

He waited, watching them, hoping they would notice the open barn and go inside. Nevertheless, they did not notice the barn or realize what it could mean for them. He moved closer toward them to get their attention, but they just moved away from him out of fear.

He went into the house and came back with some bread, broke it up, and made a bread trail to the barn. They still did not catch on.

Starting to get frustrated, he went over and tried to shoo them toward the barn. They panicked and scattered into every direction except toward the barn. Nothing he did could get them to go into the barn where there was warmth, safety, and shelter. Feeling totally frustrated, he exclaimed, "Why don't they follow me? Can't they see this is the only place where they can survive the storm? How can I possibly get them into the one place to save them?"

He thought for a moment and realized that they just would not follow a human. He said to himself, "How can I possibly save them? The only way would be for me to become like those geese. If only I could become like one of them. Then I could save them. They would follow me and I would lead them to safety."

At that moment, he stopped and considered what he had said. The words reverberated in his mind: If only I could become like one of them, then I could save them. Then, at last, he understood God's heart towards mankind... and he fell on his knees in the snow.

For God so loved the world, that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.
John 3:16-17

Yay! I'm so pround of my self for so many reasons! haha, that sounds so snobbish, but it's not really if you knew my reasons! :) hehehe... I'm such a giggling idiot and this is really incoherent so I'm going to go now... ta ta!

hmm... its currently 1:40 am... I really should be sleeping right now considering that I have my spanish final at 8:30 this morning, but the thing is I'm really not tired. And why lie in bed for hours if your not tired? I figure I might as well do work... but don't chya hate when that happens?

Song to download: Easier to Run by Linkin Park
...actually, get the entire Meteora album, it's friggen awsome...

Friday Five
1. Do you enjoy the cold weather and snow for the holidays?
of course! it's not Christmas without snow!
2. What is your ideal holiday celebration? How, where, with whom would you celebrate to make things perfect?
What we do every year! Big family party with lots of food and lots of family :) I do wish that I could spend Christmas with my Lolo and Lolas (grandparents) more often... they live about 21 hours away from me so I can't really see them all that often.
3. Do you do have any holiday traditions?
Umn... does having a lechon at every family gathering count?
4. Do you do anything to help the needy?
Yup! or are you talking specifically about Christmas? Well I did Help the Homeless back at THS and all of that. And I did FOCUS here, and I'm going on a service retreat with PSF during winter break, so yeah :)
5. What one gift would you like for yourself?
an IPod is high on my list right now... Ooo!! but what I really wan't is Lara Croft's mansion and all of her toys!!! funnnnnn :)

something that we all need to remember sometimes...

"The purpose of life is not to win. The purpose of life is to grow and to share. When you come to look back on all that you have done in life, you will get more satisfaction from the pleasure you have brought into other people's lives than you will from the times that you outdid and defeated them."
~ Harold Kushner, Rabbi and author

Hmm... now that I've had a chance to calm down, part of me wants to recant my words from early this morning. The sortof like putting my life out on display for random people to see. It gives me the false hope that people actually read this blog because they care about what happens to me. well, I know in some cases that may be true. but in other cases i know it's just because people are nosey as what. we'll see what I happen to jot down. feel free to smack me anytime i say something dumb though.

after some deliberation, I've decided to discontinue Obersevations of a wallflower until further notice. Or maybe I shouldn't say discontinue, I'm actually aiming for a radical change. I cannot eloquently write down all my reasons for my decision, but here are a few as best as I can put them.
I've realized that in the distant and near past that I have written about people and things that should not have been written about. Whether I wrote about them directly or indirectly, I did not stop to consider how uncomfortable my words may have made them. To whom this applies to, I apologize with much regret. While I probably had been talking obscurely at the moment, I'm sure that subconsciencely I made it obvious enough to make it clear who/what I was talking about. It was my way of talking about things without being forthright about it. Which is stupid and cowardly.
If you want to know what's been going on in my life, IM me, call me, etc.etc. I'm sure you all know how to reach me. Well, IM is preferable, you all know how horrible I am at talking on the phone. I know you all are interested in keeping up with my dreadfully exciting life (note the sarcasm), but if you're really that interested, well ask me.
Other than that, I think this website will be a posting place for quotes and random little moments. but things only about me. that's still a lot you say? hm.. well not really when you think about it. We'll see.

NQR!
10pm + snow + massive bunch of naked people = ONE GREAT TIME!!! hehehe, the Naked Quad Run was so funny... teeheehee... it sorta didn't really phase me though. I think it was because of the FOCUS and getting streaked by the 60+ support staff of TWO. :) yeaaaa FOCUS! anyways, before tonight, I thought I would never do the NQR... now I'm thinking that I actually want to do it. haha, now hold your horses... I would definitely wuss out and wear underwear, and I also saw a lot of girls wearing scarves in such ways that... yeah, well you know. Hehe, just an idea.... definitely once before I graduate :) its too much of a tradition to miss out :)

"hindsight is the best insight" ~emma
damn. I knew i was going to do it. I tried to avoid it, but I did it unconsciencely anyone. There goes that one.

man, I must have really been tired today. I took a "nap" after my last class today from 11 to 4:30... nap... righhhttt :) hehe, ya know, just incase ya'll wanted to know.

"We don't remember days or years, we remember moments."
~anon.

* * * * * *
yay! its snowing! I lovvveeee the snow, its so purrtyyy :) Haha, I went outside and played in the snow for a little bit ar like 2 in the morning... by the way davit, yer going down! mwhahahaha.. anyways, i stole two trays from the caf this morning to use as sleds, and i can't wait to go outside! haha, its quite hilarious, the groundskeepers put bales of hay in from on the trees and gate on the pres' lawn so sledders don't hurt themselves... haha, thats quality right there :) at leaswt I know my 40 thou a year is going to good use ;)

crappers. I handed in a page of my notes today to be graded instead of my homework. damn. and I really need those two extra homework points to bring up my final grade. maybe prof. Hahn will understand.

SCORE!!! I got into the intro to ASL (American Sign Language) class that I signed up for!!! whoohooo!!! thats so awsome. It's one of the most high demand classes at Tufts... there's only one class per semester with 20 students each... :) yay!

looks life i've run out of things to talk about. well, that's not true necesarily, but I don't feel like anything has been news worthy recently. Unless you want me to talk about my love life, or lack there of, in 3rd person or theoretical terms, which becomes quite tiring after a while. I'll just put in a quote from John Mayer to fill in this particular topic, "Staying home alone on a Friday / Flat on the floor looking back / On old love / Or lack thereof / After all the crushes are faded / And all my wishful thinking was wrong / I'm jaded / I hate it"... that's actually a quite relevent quote though. :) don't chya love the way how things work out? Seeing as how I don't feel like doing work right now, I guess I'll talk about home for a bit. It was really good, got to see friends, got to see family, can't wait for winter break, The end. Haha, seriously though, my comp sci project is kicking my ass... i don't know what I'm going to do. Dropping the class is looking like a great option right now, I have until next monday, so that shall be under great consideration for the next week. It doesn't help that I have 3 hours of chorale rehersal on wednesday before it's due. (ranting) and what is "good cpu run time" anyway? 27 seceonds seems decent to me. But apparently the time to beat is 0.1 cpu seconds. 0.1!!! haha, right. And while I'm raving on, why is everything always on the same day? lets take friday for example, shall we? It's Anu's b-day, but also the bub's winter concert, and the piano duet concert that ryan's in, and the TDC show, and blahblahblah.... Decisions, decisions, decisions. Oh! and another thing! My lottery housing number for next year? Yeah, 1756... the range is 2999 - 1500 with higher numbers being better. Sucks to be me I guess. I don't really mind living in a double though, I just sorta want to stay uphill. I guess I'll just have to see. I'd like to end on a good note though... lets see.... I got to read The Da Vinci Code this weekend and it was spectacular. While some people would say that books like that challenge their faith, and I see where they're coming from, books like that just make me want to explore my faith more. Haha, ever since I read the author's first book, Angels and Demons, I've been convinced that the church (The Catholic Church that is) has been hiding stuff from me. :) Reading The Da Vinci Code just reaffirmed that thought. While it has made me doubt and question, I remember someone saying that it's good to doubt and that God wants us to doubt... I guess it's so we can come into our faith by really understanding and not taking everything on blind faith. ::shrug:: I know that God loves me and that he's rescued me from some pretty bad situations in the past, and that's enough for me for now.