Hyperflow-tara
Definition for: tara
A goddess that the heavens can not even explain

Heehee, cool :)

I have this notion that things should just click if they're meant to be. Or maybe that's just my hopeless romantic side speaking. This notion is applicable to more than just relationships though, it should be applicable to everything... majors, friends, life decisions, and what not. But I also know that sometimes it takes deeper exploration to actually make a decision about somethings. It takes a while to get to know people, to get to know enough about a life choice. "I know that time brings change, and change takes time" sings Nichole Nordeman. I feel however, that somethings cannot, and should not, be forced after a certain time... emphasis on somethings. There are somethings worth fighting for. The hard part is figuring out what those things are. At this point, I can think of one that I'm sure about...

I believe in the kingdom come
Then all the colors will bleed into one
Bleed into one
Well yes I’m still running

You broke the bonds and you
Loosed the chains
Carried the cross
Of my shame
Of my shame
You know I believed it

But I still haven’t found what I’m looking for
But I still haven’t found what I’m looking for...

That time of year has rolled around again when students begin to worry about housing for next year. Just this past week Rina asked me if I wanted to live in a house with her on Bromfield. Housing? At this time of year? It's only thanksgiving! I regretfully declined, saying that I couldn't commit myself so early in the year. But with the arrival of the housing lottery numbers on WebCenter, the time has finally come to start thinking about next year seriously. For the second year in a row, I got the short end of the stick with a lottery number of 4812 (from a range of 5999-4500). Apparently my luck really sucks, so I guess I'm living off campus next year. I was planning on living off campus anyway, but this just really cements my decision. Helloooo landlords....

update(11/26): looks like Kerry got a good lottery number.. maybe I will be living on campus next year...

"The hard times will begin to fade, joy will take their place."
~Chinese fortune

Take Action: Close the School of the Americas

Once again it is the wee hours of the morning and I am procrastinating when I should be in bed. Seems like good time for some reflection. I really envy those who know what they want to do with their lives. As a matter of fact, I envy those who know anything about what they want. As part of my indecisiveness, I can never decide what I want. Recently I have had to decide what to major in, who I should pick as my advisor, where/if I should go abroad, what classes to take next semester, if I should date if the opportunity arises, do I want a boyfriend, what I should share with my friends about my life... really the list goes on and on. That person sure hit the nail right on the head when they said that life is just a bunch of small choices. To bad the small choices are so hard for me to make. It doesn't help that my mood or my opinions can change like the wind. And when they do, I usually end up screwing myself over, or screwing over some very nice person. If I haven't shared before, I have decided that my problem is that I look to far into things. I have trouble letting thing go and just letting them "flow," as Julie would say. Ha. Me relinquish control? Never. Maybe that's one of the reasons why I'm struggling so much with my faith right now. To "let go and let God" would mean loosing my grip on my life. I don't think I can do it. Not right now at least. What happened to the trust that I used to have in God? It disappeared somewhere over the past few weeks/days/years. If I try hard enough I can remember what it felt like to have that trust though. I feel it in short little bursts occasionally though... like at this past Friday Forum and Sunday service. It was amazing. You feel like nothing can go wrong, and even if it does, it's okay beacause God is there to protect you. I know the statement I made is true, I just have a hard time believing in it sometimes. Just give me a little direction Lord. Let me know I'm on the right path. In the lyrics of Michael W. Smith,

"If there are millions down on their knees, among the many can you still hear me? Hear me asking, 'Where do I belong? Is there a vision that I can call my own? Show me...' I'm looking for a reason, roaming through the world to find my place in this world. Not a lot to lean on, I need your light to help me find my place in this world.

I don't know about you, but I was pretty upset about the outcome of this election. Check out SorryEverybody.com to see some sympathetic people and beg for forgiveness from the world.

Poll
So I'm opening a gmail account (finally), and I need to pick out a new email adress... I was planning to make "TaraBee" my new email addy, but go figure, it's taken already. So I need everyone's help piking out another one... cast your votes in the comment seciton :) Thanks!

TaraBe (sorta like my initials)
TaraBeee
TaraBeez
TaraBees
TaraB
...any other suggestions...

::biggrin:: ahhhh... I'm so happy right now. I just came back from church and it was awsome, absolutely amazing! Our new guitarist, John (aka Texas John c.o. Emily) is so great... he's a great worship leader, has so much energy, and just rocks at guitar. Fr. O'Leary also officiated our service today, and his sermon was actually pretty good! I love this feeling, the feeling after going to a really great service. I wish church could always be this way, but I guess that's also something that's up to me, isn't it?