Why am I so scared? I don't even know what I really scared about... am I scared that things will actually work out this time? or am I terrified that things wont? I'm so uneasy almost to the point of tears, but not yet. I'm so insecure about what could happen in the future, that I don't let the now happen. I feel like I'm trying to avoid every possible bad situation, and by doing that, I'm closing myself off. And it seems like I always say the wrong things... am I diving into this too fast? or am I standing fearfully on the ledge, to scared to ever jump in? There are too many feelings to deal with right now. Too many possibilities. To many maybes, shoulds, could-bes, and what-ifs. Why can't there be a shining path in front of me leading to the right decisions? I know thats not life, and that we are shaped by our mistakes as well as our triumphs... I'm just asking for a little guidance right now. Lord, that is what I pray for right now. The guidance to make the right decisions, and the grace to deal with the bad ones. The strength to keep my feet on the ground and the courage to let go. Guidance. Grace. Strength. Courage. Such simple words and simple things... yet without them I lack all substance. Those four words, echoing in my head, in my heart. I feel such an emptiness not knowing what to do, or what I am even doing right now. And this is what brings me to the edge of tears. But Lord, I know your there, and I will continue to wait. I am just fearful that my eyes are so blinded that I will pass You by...