musings of 3rd period
the following entry was written on monday, march 3 begining at 12:15 pm. It was written throughout the entirety of the THS AP Calculus BC class. 85 minutes of thoughts straight from my head. The text is being transfered verbatim from a piece of college ruled paper.

why am I in such a foul mood? I've been like this since saturday, which was one of the most drainingdays that I've had in a while. Ugh. They were just really getting to me at lunch. I don't even know why. There weren't doing anything major. It just pissed me off that they weren't listening to me. Not like they always listen to [me] anyways or anything. Sigh. Shall we blame it on PMS? we could, but I dont' think that its the right reason. hmmm... maybe this goes along with the, or with my, idea that I have Atypical Bipolar disorder. Its basically a really mild form of Bipolar disorder, aka manic-depressive disorder. I think in part right now, I'm still bummed that I cna't go to the Switchfoot concert anymore. Screw parents. Mmmm... I'm having bad thoughts right now, but I won't write them down in fear of someone taking them really seriously and getting really worried. Since this is turning [out] to be a birth and moan session, let me complain a little more. It turns out that Barnard didn't get one of my app. sections. So now I have to do that and fed-ex it over ASAP. I also can't find my scholarship stuff that Citibank sent to me, and my 'rents are definitely pissed about that. Screw college. I'm not getting in anywhere. I'm still bitter that I didn't get into BC. Yeah, call me resentful. I also feel like an f'ing bitch because I haven't written to Marissa (a girl that my family sponsers) in over 3 months. How shitty of me is that? Plus I have 2 CDs that are overdue at the library by like 15 days, in addition to the 7+ books that I also have overdue. Oh and lets not forget about that stupid thing called Tara's sernior project. Its a lot harder than I thought it would be. Its so f'ing stupid. not to mention a colossal waste of my time. I think that if I keep writting, I'm going to burst out into tears, because I definitely feel them comming. Yeah, asif just tried to ask me something, and I totally ignored him, oh well. I have the feeling that I'm going to end up totally bitching someone out before the day is over. Oh well. Serves the world right. Why do I always have to be the "cheery" one? The one that everyone bitches to? even when its late, and I still have a shit-load of homework, and I'm really tired. I love the way how no one has asked me what's wrong yet. I'm definitely not acting anywhere remotely close to my regular self right now. ooops, I lied, billy just asked me if I'm okay. Go him. I nodded yes of course. What was I going to say? no? Then he would have asked what was wrong, and that would have opened a whole entire new can of worms. How the hell would I explain, really explain, what's bothering me. If you've read this far... chances are you didn't understand like half of it. Oh. and did I mention that people are really immature? There are times when you should act like a kid, but now is not one of them. its so loud in here right now, it's not neccesary to yeall right now. gr. can we say annoying? Oh my gosh. I can't believe that there's 20 minutes left in this stupid, idiotic class. Hmmm... phil just asked me who I'm writting to. That's a really good question. Who am I writting to? I know that I get a few hits on my blog each day, but I have no idea who actaully reads this. I feel like crying right now. But I don't know why I would be crying. Crying feels so good sometimes. 15 minutes left. tick tock, tick tock. I don't want to go to gymn next period. tick tock, tick tock. 10 minutes left. I sit here, soning out, eating whatever sourpatch kids my math class didn't take from me. asif asks me if I'm okay. yes I nod. Felicia just asked if I'm okay. yeah I reply. Only took her the enitre class to ask. mindless jabbering goes on behind me. 5 minutes lft. who cares about factorials? I certainly dont. mmmm... I wonder what Ben's doing right now. And emma. And dave, and Jon. Woah. we're on question 7? When'd that happen? what? I'm so confused. Ring. I'm out the door.

disclaimer: most of these feeling do not reside within my being anymore. I was just at the hight of my foul mood for the day. I still enjoy talking to everyone and being a good friend by listening to their problems. Don't get me wrong. Its just been a little stressful recently. and yes, I'm okay now.