scapegoating
I have no one to blame but myself... I am the reason that things happen in my life and am the only one that can dictate change. It really is so much easier to have someone to blame though, but that's only denying the reality of the situation. Or better yet, it is a lot easier to have someone to hate. Hate is such a strong emotion that it fills the void of your mind and body till everything else disappears. Then you feel ... nothingness ... and nothingness is definitelly a good feeling sometimes. The bad (or good thing actually) about hate is that it's such a strong emotion that pure-unbridled hate is hard to come by. yes.. blaming someone would be so much easier, but then again, life isn't easy.. or fair, as I have definitely found out in the past. Define fair though... fair for one person might be unfair for another person, so I guess it's another one of those perspective things... blaming youself is not a good thing though, because it leads to strings of what ifs, which is never a good road to travel down. unfortunate for myself, I often find myself a traveler on that path... leaving behind me a crumbs of regrets... They say that if it does not kill you, it will only make you stronger... I think I'm plenty strong already and would rather not encounter more "strength-building" situations... there must be some point when your "strength level" maxes out and you just rapidly decend into the innerworkings of your thoughts... and trust me, that is not a place where you want to be. Not pleasant at all... sigh... anyone up for ice cream though? always a good pick me-up.. too bad its 12:20 in the morning