woohoohoo..... i'm melting again... =D heeheheee

Tonight the Help the Homeless club of THS had their second annual New Year's Eve Eve party for SOS (shelter our sisters). It was actually really fun, more low-key thatn last years, but fun. =) the kids were adorable and their moms were really nice too =) its nice to know that you made someones day a little brighter =)

so you know what i did last night? or actually two nights ago looking at what time it is? I went to cryer's house and we did a puzzle... hahah, now how dorky is that? =) i actually had fun though =) between hording pieces from eachother and listening to the mullet song... i had a good, straightedged time =) its better than going out and plastering myself.... :P

one more application down... two to go...

we should have a national sledding day once a year.... so much fun! =)

its 2 AM and i'm not even really tired...

"how do i see u, i see u as a fun person, whos competitive, and considerate of peoples feelings, but u can be really insecure, realllllly insecure sometimes"

how do you see me?

screw those last two posts... (no, your not crazy. i deleted them) they were just cries for sympathy.... i'm still confused though...

DDR (dance dance revolution) is possibly the coolest game ever! if you have no idea what it is, click the link to find out a little about it. But anyways, they have a few versions of PS2, and me and my relatives were playing today, it was so much fun! (we were mostly using the brittney spears version, yes i know, i hate her too) considering that most of my relatives are older than 40, it was hilarious! I love my family =) and for only playing my first time today, i was pretty damn good... oh yea! =) but anyways, i hope your Christmases were as good as mine =)

I love midnight mass. The church is packed and everyone is in a good mood. The decorations are beautiful and the mood is merry. =) Anything and everything can be forgiven on Christmas. I was sitting by Darren, who i was a real b... female dog, to sophomore year. Methinks i was too emotionally immature. But anways, I had a real quick chat with him, and I feel so much better now... He's actually a really sweet guy and I think that everything is cool now =) I love Christmas. And It's snowing now too! =)

Merry Christmas Everyone!

best quote of the month:
"I was just licking ice cream off of the nuts!"

that was so insane...
Being the procrastinator that i am, I had to go to the mall today for some last minute shopping. Finding parking wasn't that bad, it only took about 10 minutes.... and we had a really good spot for holiday shopping. The actuall shopping wasn't even that bad. the lines were a tad long, but nothing drastic. But you know what was crazy? getting out of the freakin' parking lot. it took over an hour, literally, to get out of there. and then another 30 min to get home... that's absolutely ridiculous. I had the car in park for probably a half of the time that i spent in that stupid lot.... grrr.... it got so bad that the police blocked off the road so no one could enter the mall... Tis the season to be jolly...

what? I am so utterly confused.... how could i be flirting with someone and not even realize it? hmm.....

at least i know that i'll be gonig to a college.... (got Rutgers today)

stupid computer... or actually stupid internet connection... how does it expect me to do college apps when its so freakin slow and keeps stalling all the time?!?!!?!?!?!? ARRRGGHHHH!!!!!

final words
by far the best soccer dinner ever... I was actually dredding it at first, but it turned out to be a lot of fun... =) Baby Korn's video was so cute/sweet... i was close to tearing up =) I'm glad that we all got copies of it. Ahahaha, and the juniors gave us underwear with stuff written on it! how funny is that?!? definitely the best ever! oh and the blankets... and chairs... and photo albums... all so great =) Its hard to believe that its all over... all the team bonding... inside jokes (stop talking herpes!) ... after-school practices... night-games... wow. hahaha, and did you know that my book is called "Ways to play all 11 positions on the field without breaking a sweat"? =) ooo, and I got the MVP award, how sweet is that? despite all of my b-tching during the season... I really am going to miss these girls...

heaven... (doo doo doo)... I'm in heaven (doo doo doo)...

Screw Georgetown.

man. I am pretty damn insightful sometimes.
or at least i like to think i am...

"my gosh. he's perfect"

What's with all these fleeting crushes that i have? They're there one minute, and then gone the next. I think I just may be one of those people who "love to be in love." ...or maybe it's something else. While contemplating it one day, I came up with a few explanations. now keep in mind that i'm talking about a bunch of different people here...
1) He's just eye candy, and considering that there's not too many attractive guys in my school... well yeah, enough said.
2) Considering the horrible self-image that i have of myself, i melt when people compliment me. that, and it doesn't happen very frequently.
3) I somehow got the notion that this person liked me, and it made me like them.
4) One of my friends started to like them, so i started to like them.
5) I'm just a stupid, silly girl.
6) I am so unattached (and always have been) that I will latch on to almost anymore.
7) I'm just plain stupid.
They sound like pretty good rationals to me. I always end up thinking about that Drew Barrymore movie "NBK" (if you don't know what that acronymn stands for then... i dunno, figure it out), and think about how much that is me, and wonder if i'm that big of a dork. Or do i just happen to be really good at making people not like me? And then there's my idea of not dating untill of marrying age ("Why shop when you can't buy"). And then there's also me being jealous of my friends... and my sister... and pretty much everyone in general. But envy is one of the seven deadly sins isn't it? so i guess i'd better stop before kevin spacy hunts me down and kills me...

could i be any more out of shape?

This watch belonged to my father. It's broken now, but it used to keep perfect time. And when he gave it to me, he said, "You could set your heart by this watch." It stopped October 1st -- the day we met.

you call this a gala?
ah, the moment we had all be waiting for, the re-opening of the THS auditorium... riigghhhtt... anyways, we (the madrigals) had to sing... not bad, could've been worse... could've been a lot better. oh well. Hunter Foster and Jennifer Cody (What a cute couple) from Urinetown performed a number for the gala. Why you ask? because they live in Teaneck. I'm just pissed i forgot to bring my playbill, cause i couldn't asked them to sign it. The Loren Daniels Trio was good too even though his mic seriously needed to be upped. Drummer dude was not bad looking at'tall. The Brown Family was pretty good too, i really liked to the song they played... now only if it wasn't for Dr. Wiederman and his long, drawn-out speeches....

a tradition in the making...
for the second year, the THS madrigals (or at least some of us anyway) sang at Applebee's for the breakfast with Santa. It was actually pretty fun, despite the fact that i had to be at Applebee's by 8:30 am, which is wwwaayyyyy to early. The little kids there were really cute. I wish more people showed up though, over half of the choir was missing. :/ ah well, screw it...

I love snow. Its so peaceful and calming. As I once heard, it acts like a sort of blanket, it covers everything and purifies everything it touches... =) for the firt time in abot 2 or more years, i went sleding. It was definitely the most fun I have had in a while. I went with my friend Emma over by Adam's house (I guess thats Lincoln Ave). Definitely had to bail out a few times, but it was all good... despite the fact that I couldn't feel y butt afterwards =) i was definitely hoping for a snow day tomorrow... but by the looks of things, I don't think it's going to happen... =(

oooOOOooo... Taken by Steven Speilburg is really, really good... for the uninformed, its a 10-part mini-series about aliens and stuff... gotta love scifi =) wooOOoo... heeheehee... good plot, good character development, great actors (and cute btw), great sfx, great everything =) can't wait till the next one, definitely screwing homework for this show... go watch it before you get taken...

our first choral festival of the year. wow. hmm... what to say about that. it wasn't that bad. then again, it wasn't that good either. I've noticed that it's always easier to critique than to extol. in light of that, here's what we did wrong.
~ We sang to fast/we rushed (like we always do, don't ask why, i don't know)
~ we wern't blended (go figure with at least five sops that want to be divas)
~ we were flat, even during warm-ups
~ our dynamics were dramatic enough
on top of that, Concert Choir sucked, and they were rude and disrespectful. but despite it all, it could have been worse. Major kudos to the Nutley jr. high choir though, they rocked. How many jr. high choirs can pull off the Hallelujah Chorus and do it well?

What if the hokey pokey is what it's really all about?

damn the stupid NHS meetings that someone decided to hold before school.... that means i have to get up early! ... if i decide to go...

the never ending process
i hate college applications. they have to some of the stupidest things ever. so as of now i have three apps in... one of them not realyl counting because it's rutgers ($50 is really too much to pay for that application) me thinks that i'm not going to send the rest of the apps i haven't started yet until i get back my letters from Georgetown and BC. they're so expensive anyway. What do you think?

one more for the scrap book
I just finished decoration the last hallway - oh excuse me cafeteria - of my highschool carear. For those who don't know, its a traditions to decorate a hallway for homecomming... school spirit thing. We totally rocked it the first year, although we only came in second because the seniors needed the money that you get. Soph - bull... junior - got cheated again. Which leaves this year. We totally got the frosh and sophs.... juniors, I'm not sure. But its picking up. Its 11pm and i just got home about 10-15 min ago, and a lot of people are still there. I would've stay, but my masochistic teachers decided to give me two tests tomorrow out of four periods.... and its a half day.... they're freakin' insane... damn AP physics and AP history.... and definitelly screw the AP lit homework... not happening... okay, wish me luck =)

just saw "Two Weeks Notice" with Sandra Bullock and Hugh Grant.... I would have to say its a really cute movie, go see it everyone =)

Sofas, beanbags & deep thoughts
what a surprisingly good night... nothing really special, but with friends, laughs, and good intelligent conversation, you can't really go wrong. Now most people would think it really boring to stay in, chatting in someones basement for 4 hours, but it really wasn't. After the stint of Taboo and tv watching, we had some really good discussions going there. not mindless ones either. School. Society. Perceptions of beauty. Dark Matter. Time Travel. Wow. the world isn't compleatly lost, is it.

from blurry eyes
I really don't get it. Am I that good of an actress that I make other people that my life is virtually perfect? Do I live two different lives, hiding my true self from the general public? Or do people just not really see who I am? Because I am not perfect... I am not even close. Yes, I will admit that I have somethings going for me. These things so seemingly perfect that no one realizes that its not enough. So then I have these things that are supposedly perfect but really aren't, and then there are the other things. Things... what a general and vague word, perfect for everything I'm talking about. Things that are normal, or sub-standard. To whose definitions? Mine. Yours. Society's. Are my personal standards too high? Probably. Is it possible to lower them? Doesn't seem realistic. Because it just didn't happen, I was always like this. If its possible to imagine, I was worse. Not entirely my fault though. It's hard living in someone elses shadow, and its hard to live up to expectations. For while this expectations have not been enforced to the extent that they used to be, they still live full force in my head. Punishing my every mistake and wrong doing. And while I have moments of sanity, those thoughts, those entities are still there, just waiting to be unleashed again.

or why doesn't mr. bell know?

Where is my freakin all-eastern letter?!?!?!?!?

I love how music can take away all your cares and worries and leave you in such a calm and relaxed state....

geez.... could i be more tempramental? I could probably just blame it on PMS.... or lack of emotional maturity... but i don't think that's it. Atypical Bipolar disorder? hmmm.... i think this merits further exploration.

polyoptoton. epanalepsis. chiasmus. epanodos. who the h*ll thought of all these words? did they have absolutely nothing better to do with their time? like we need more words to analyze literature....

ALIAS
no! what are they doing! vaughn can't have a girlfriend! he likes sydney! sydney likes him! they're supposed to be together! ahhhhh!!!! grr... this is the second close call in a row. the first time, sydney was almost about to tell him something (which i hope was something to the equiv. of 'I like you') and then today we was trying to catch up to her! aarrrggghhhh!!!! oooooo, but vaughn is so cute =) heeheehee

Muggle thoughts
oooo, I love Harry Potter =) I went to go see the movie on the opening day, and it was absoluetly awsome! I would even say that it was better than the book... or maybe that's just because the 2nd book is my least favorite of the series so far.... hmmm.... ::shurg:: i dunno... =) it was so good though =)

*pop*
it's amazing how quickly school can put you in a bad mood...

its the soft smile on your lips while you bob your head to the music... it's the feeling you get after having a girl's night out... its the tingle that you get after he touches your arm... it's moments like these that you remember why life is worth living, its these moments that you strive for and hope you never forget. =) you really can't describe how you feel... everything is just so peaceful and perfect and wonderful. and for these few precious moments you forget all of you cares and worries and just live...

I'm one weird person
....but i'm sure you knew that already =)
my madness:I'm practically begging my parents to let me pay for some of the repairs to the civic.... for those who don't know... i got into an accident, a real one this time. It was really slippery with all of the wet leaves on the ground, and the jeep in front of me stops short all of a sudden the jeep infront of me stops short. I can't stop intime, so my car sorta slides under the jeep. Thank God, nothing happened to the jeep (the lady actually felt bad) -> no insurance hike. but there is a significant dent in the hood of the car. its only a foot long, max, but apparently they have to replace the entire freakin hood... Why do I want to pay for it? becuase the accident was all my fault. I figure it'll make me feel better about it... i dunno... my parents are too easy on me. I know, I'm lucky to have parents like that, and I do love them, but consider it a self punishment for being such a dolt...

yawn... must... finish... stupid... lit... essay... zzzzz......

i spy
its pretty interesting to see who has gotten onto my blog from my AIM profile... definitely some people that I havn't seen or heard from in a while... hahah.... =) well hi to all of you people =) i think you know who you are

my last time at the Ho Jo
ahhhh... my days of NJ All-State chorus are over... I had such a blast this year =) it seemed to go a lot quicker than last year though. I wonder why that is. hmnnn.... anyway. I roomed with these three absolutely amazing girls, Dana, Emily, and Nor (Noreen), from watching "Boy Meets World", having parties in the hallway, watching half-naked guys, hooters, secret crushes, starbucks, and a whole bunch of other stuff, we had such a blast together... =) and in addition to my awsome roomies, there were all of these other great people... Cass, ed, paul, steph, tom, carmine, john, anne, molly, "grandpa"... and all of the other amazing all-staters. I miss them all. Hahaha, i think the best thing about all-state is that if you want to break into a random song, you know the people around you can actually sing well... hahah, its awsome. and i actually got to sing the Hallelujah Chorus this year! I didn't miss it! (its a tradition to sing it on the boardwalk after the night rehersal on thursday) sigh... so much fun. Mrs Bass (our conductor) was absolutely amazing too =) you gotta love the dancing during the rehersals =) and what about the commercial breaks? hahahah =) damn though. i wish more people were in region 1... oh well, there's always NJPAC =)

ps: come to the concert in NJPAC! its like less then 20! please?!? pretty please?!? with a cherry on top?!? =)

I think what I had would be classified as a nervous-breakdown.... or at least something of the sort...

Man, i definitley suck. I signed up to go an a retreat, and payed a NON-REFUNDABLE $75... two days later i realized i'm screwed because the north all-state concert is during that weekend.... dammit

Sonicflood is great.... so is Cadet... and Jason Ingram... they all kick butt =)

Friday Five
1. Were you raised in a particular religious faith?
Roman Catholic
2. Do you still practice that faith? Why or why not?
I still go to a R.C. church.... I don't know if i would consider my self a Catholic anymore though. I just say that I'm a Christian, a follower of Jesus... besides, i have some issues with the Catholic Church
3. What do you think happens after death?
We go to heaven... or hell, depending
4. What is your favorite religious ritual (participating in or just observing)?
Praising =)
5. Do you believe people are basically good?
Yes

the end of an era
so today was the last day of my high school soccer career.... interesting... i don't really know how i feel about that. ::sheepish grin:: was i supposed to be crying? i dunno... heeheehee. but anyway, I'm really happy we ended on a good note by ending our last season =) PC, 2-1. good stuff. Screw the SATs for ruining the moment...

This Friday... Nov 1st... Last game of the season... Home @ Votee park... 7pm under the lights, vs. PC... wanna come?

AHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Filipinos! you must check out Rex Navarette! He is insane! hahahaha...

Hmmm.....

Disorder | Rating
Paranoid: Moderate
Schizoid: Low
Schizotypal: Moderate
Antisocial: Low
Borderline: Very High
Histrionic: High
Narcissistic: Moderate
Avoidant: Moderate
Dependent: High
Obsessive-Compulsive: High

Bored? Personality Disorder Test

yay! we won our second game! woohoo!

damn my procrastination tendencies...

damn. screw me. my SAT scores went down... by like 30... shiz... well, the bright side is that if you take my two best scores, i increased by 20... but damn... i hate standerdized tests... they mean nothing...

meeting again
for the first time in almost three months, I saw and talked to my GSE classmate Adam. Three months may not seem like a lot, but after spending your entire day with a group of people for one month, three months is almost an eternity. So anyway, Creskill was playing Bergen Tech, so hey, why not go see my two friends play? Plus, the academy is so close to where I live. and with the short practice we had today, even better. So yeah, seeing Adam again was nice, he was definitely suprised to see me, but its all good =)

tomorrow: Teaneck v. Holy Angles

yeah, ok, so I've decided not to finish the post I started this morning, I have somthing new to rave about. Not many people gave their two cents about me shaving my head, but I seriously am considering doing it. It would be a hell of a lot easier to deal with.... becuase yet again, my bandana fell off during soccer game today... now I wonder what the other team thinks when that happens... do they think, "woah, whats wrong with her?" or "what a freak?" I'd really like to know. and hair. what a stupid and useless part of the body. God could definitely get rid of it, and humans uldn't be any worse off than they are now. It really serves no purpose. Yeah, it keeps us warm, but thats why we have hats and clothes. Its just a bunch of hassle. Think about how much stress it causes you! Bad hair days, all the money you spend on shampoo and gel, the time it take in the morning to get ready... we should just all shave our heads and be done with it.

meeting the world's expectations
Wow, its only first period and I'm, already feeling so overwhelmed.... there must be something wrong with that.... and there's the bell...
(To be finished at a later time)

Am I a bad friend for not wanting to go somewhere?? Am I?!? you know, i'm sorry, but i never promised that i was going... Is this why I haven't had a "one-and-only-best-friend" for a long time? Wow. I really havn't... Or am i just not a people person? Do I expect the world and then not give enough in return? I don't think I do... Is having a "one-and-only-best-friend" even really necessary? I never used to think so, but then why do I get these savage bouts of lonliness? Savage bouts.... interesting pharse. Its quite possible that I am just over-reacting again, like I always do.... It would probably help if I didn't dwell on things so much... but thats just who I am. Why do I care so much about what other people think of me? What other people say about me? Why should their opinion of me hold standing in my life? because it does. Why? because...

ahhhh!!!! out of my head you contradicting thoughts!

why would i shave my head? i dunno.... it'd be easier to deal with.... ::shrug::

New poll!
Should I shave my head?

small steps
its amazing. how one small thing can mark the start of a new time. absolutely amazing. What I just did, insignificant on the grand scheme of things, just gave me an entire new mindest. Its amazing how free it makes me feel. One. single. thing.

today's game
match: Teaneck v. Bellville... Score: 1 - 0... goals: Tara Espiritu (penalty kick)...
yay me! we won, we won! but geez, let me tell you, that penalty kick was one of the most nerve-wracking things i've ever done... so much pressure... but we still won! Yay! Maybe this game will break our losing streak... hhhmmmmm....

poll: Is dating in HS really worth all thr trouble?

(respond by clicking Shout Out)

damn! why did Halby have to go and tear her ACL? shiz....

Starting Anew
So today was the first (or second actually, i just couldn't go to the first) meeting of the Teaneck chapter of Hi-Ba (High School Born-Againers).... Its basically like/is a bible study group. Its run by this couple, Manoj and Beena Thomas. I started going soph year... and I have to admit it was for really bad reasons.... but I have grown so much since i started going... I'm really glad its started up again. But anyway, there was a really good quote in today's lesson, it was about being in the world, but not being of the world... in short, you have to find yourself, don't go along with the world and conform to their ideas, you need to be your own person emotionally and religiously. You also need to find the right amount of moderation.... somwhere inbetween going off to some convent and isolating yourslef from the world, and being on of those people who just go to church on sunday and think that that's their ticket to heaven.... Me? I'm finding my equilibrium, ever so slowly, but I'll get there =)

ps: for those Christian people... if you interested about seeing what Hi-BA is all about, talk to me, its good times =)

Friday Five

1. If you could only choose 1 cd to ever listen to again, what would it be?
Nichole Nordeman - "This Mystery"
2. If you could only choose 2 movies to watch ever again, what would they be?
ooooo, tough one.... hmmm..... "Shawshank Redemption" and .... i dunno, to many!
3. If you could only choose 3 books to read ever again, what would they be?
The Bible, Harry Potter (book 4), and "A Wrinkle In Time"
4. If you could only choose 4 things to eat or drink ever again, what would they be?
Pasta, apple cider, sho-pao, and water
5. If you could only choose 5 people to ever be/talk/associate/whatever with ever again, who would they be?
my mom, my dad, my sister .... *friends may come and go, but family lasts forever*

TGIT!!!
yeah yeah, i know its really TGIF, but thursday needs some love too! =) hahah, you must excuse my weirdness =) you get used to it after a while. I am so happy its thursday tomorrow though.... except for the entire SAT thing on saturday, they you be outlawed.... oh well, wish me luck with that... ooo! and as a side note! everyone come to my soccer game tomorrow (friday) night! 7pm! votee! v. PC! come!!!! =)

one of those weeks
you know... when everything seems to be going wrong.... when your so sad an depressed for the silliest reasons or for no apparent reason at all... its such weirdness... i seem to be going through this awful mood-swing stage.... maybe its just the dot, I dunno... someone make it go away though... please?!?!

one a day will keep the doctor away...
you've just gotta love apple picking... Its the one thing that i look foward once fall starts. Its just so much fun... climbing the trees to reach the uppermost branches... the smell of all the apples... being able to eat apples right off the tree.... mmmmmm... Its also the only time when i can actually eat apples, because whenever I buy them at the supermarket they always make my throat itch, me being allergic to everything in the world. And then after, we always go to Sugarloaf (its a town) to eat and to walk around. They have the best food at the Barnsider Inn, the popular restaurant there. =) so yummy =) and then we walk around to all of the little stores... now if we could only go more often...

spirit
ahhh.... what a good game against paramus... we lost 6-2, but it was still a good game. Everyone played as hard as they could and didn't give up. See? Thats what I've been pissed off about.... people not caring. I really don't care that we lost today, the fact that we played well as a team totally bypasses that.... just hope it's catching =)
ooo, and plus, i had an assist, which is always nice considering that i'm sweeper =)

Friday Five
1. What size shoe do you wear?
Anywhere from 5 to 6.... my current pair of cleats are a size 4 though... they stretch a lot
2. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
oooo... i don't know.... I'd say 10 or less
3. What type of shoe do you prefer (boots, sneakers, pumps, etc.)?
any type of sandle
4. Describe your favorite pair of shoes. Why are they your favorite?
adidas soccer sandles... definitely. if not them, then my docs
5. What's the most you've spent on one pair of shoes?
hahah, probably my copas (soccer cleats by adidas) they cost between $90 and $100

good things in my life...
1. I have parents that love me and aren't annoying (well not that annoying)
2. I have an awsome sister
3. the small number of friends that i do have are awsome
4. I get to drive a sweet car
5. Even though I'm doing bad right now in school, I'm still moderatly smart
6. I'm not that bad of a soccer player
7. I'm a decent singer (not great though, which is okay)
8. God is great, awsome, and splendiferous!

look at me! =) I'm happy again. darn those mood swings...

Ahhhhh!!! damn you tears of frusteration and self-pity! I banish you to whence you came from! be gone! .... sigh .... it didn't work. did I mention that I also have to deal with having the most overactive/messed-up immune system in the state of New Jersey? Let me tell you, it sucks quite a bit...

tales of uncertainty
damn damn damn.... this is way to much stress for one person to deal with, so excuse my venting for a little while. It hits me today that I don't even know what colleges I'm really applying to... yeah, i have some listed, but i haven't even visted some of them yet... let alone read up on them.... Still have to worry about SAT I's and II's since some of my scores were pieces of crap... and not like smart-people bad... like really bad... and then there's just regular school. looking on current scores of test/quizzes/essays/etc, I've decided that it will be most likely that I will not get a single A on my report card this marking period not counting crap classes like gym and choir.... which means that my rank will drop by about 10+ places AND that my gpa will drop to a 4.0 or below... in addition to all of this, soccer is so completely stressfull and frusterating, which definitely does not help... ahhh screw it, this sucks.....

the flickering-box-of-light
ahhh.... tv.... one of my greatest enemies. I seriously watch too much of it... Or maybe its not that i watch too much of it, maybe its the fact that I watch it when even if I know I have other work to do (or maybe thats just me hating school), but anyway, I just find tv shows so entertaining. For example, i just finished watching "Everwood"... I would have to say that its not a bad show, and that I would watch it every week if i remembered. now "Alias" is definitley i show I would like to watch regularly... female spys.... thats just cool... =)

oooo, and quick shout out to reg who is one of the bestest guys i know!

=)
ahhhhhhh life is good.... I don't know why, it just is. I am terribly sorry for my last post..... it was quite depressing.... I've decided that i have wicked mood swings sometimes.... that must be the bipolar part of me... =) heeheehee. ok, off to studying and whatnot...

Thoughts
is indulging in self pity selfish? Someone tell me please, cause sometimes i just can't help it... but while i'm all sad, I then start to get mad at myself. Why should i be feeling all bad when there are so many people worse off than I am. Am I that ungreatful?!? Am I that self-absorbed? What the hell is wrong with me? there are absolutely no justifications for my emotions right now! ... Then why do I have them? Someone please help me out here, I'm hanging on on a string thats about to break...

i am so beat. between all the stress from school and soccer, i have just been so tired. It hasn't really helped that I havn't been doing my school work either. Apparently i was supposed to do a presentation in history, but i didn't know/didn't remember. ::yawn:: oh well. screw it, i jsut want to be over with school already... argh. damn senioritis... I don't think I can call it senioritis though, because i've felt this way since frosh year. anyways, i went to the boy's soccer game today at votee vs. ridgewood. Sadly to say, we lost 0-1. That sucked quite a bit. Our keeper, Dietricht, is pretty good though, considering that he's only a frosh..... wow. must go to bed.

wow. THS girls soccer has dropped to an all time low... we just lost to Bellville...

today i hung out with GSE people.... it just made me miss them even more.

why do people insist on throwing their lives away? don't they relize that life is precious? that you should savour every moment that you have on this earth? why throw it away for pointless fun that you will regret later? sigh. i really don't understand, and it makes me frusterated and upset. and why do i get so freakin emotional about it? do i value the life of a person too much? no thats not possible... maybe I'm just over reacting. who knows. someone just... i don't know... save me from this world of dissapointment and anger

9/11, a day that will live in infamy. Do not look back on the past and dwell on what has happened, but look foward to the new and glorious future that is to come. We will stand strong. We will not forget, We we will always remeber. USA lives on.

hahahahahahaha
hahaha, oh geee, this guy is so funny. I'f your Filipino, or even asian, you have to download clips by Rex Navarrete. he is sooooooooo funny... heeheehee, I'll just leave it at that

bllllaaahhhh
ugnnnnn..... why is my throat sore? I can't possibly be sick. I'm still convinced that I have post-nasal drip. That would explain in part why i have to blow my nose like every five minutes. yuck.

it has begun
So my last year of Teaneck High School has officially begun. yay. (note the enthusiasm in my voice) I guess it could be worse. But just to give you an idea, I'll give you a quick rundown. First of all, our school is in such-disrepair its sad. Our first floor doesn't have a celing for some unknown reasons, our auditorium is still not finished, the renevations on our small gym have to be redone, the first floor lobby is blocked off because of construction. on the bright side of things... at least i have a school. I wish the people in my school weren't so rude, disrespectful, loud, and vulgar though. On 'A' day, there is also no one in my lunch period, which sucks a big one. I guess just more time to do work then. I am just so glad I'm a senior though. ok, enough negativity, Smile! =)

ahhhh!!!! 3 more days until school starts and i still have 6 more chapters to do for history. The problem is my short attention span again. I just can't focus. and then I get bored. and when i get bored I end up donig things that are very non-productive. Its just a vicious never-ending cycle. maybe I should just drop AP hist in general... I did so bad in AP hist 1 last year, and I already have 4 other AP classes.... i dunno... it just sucks that they don't have an honors history class...

mmmmm... ya know whats really good? Honey. Just pure honey right out of the bottle or jar or whatever you buy it in. Its just so tasty.

a good year... hopefully
The THS girls varsity team had their first scrimmage this morning. The outcome? 2 wins, 2 ties, and 0 loses. Not bad for a team who only won three games last year. Maybe we'll actaully be decent this season... i certainly hope so.

Yay! Dashboard Confessional won an award for "Screaming Infidelities"!!!!! Wooohooo!!! they are so great! GO DC!

unanswered
what do you say when everything is on your mind, yet no words come? what do you do when you cry, but have no idea why? I have so many questions, yet no one to ask. How can you cheer up when nothing in particular is wrong but everything is? How can I love someone so much, even though they have caused me so much pain? Why do I only notice things when they're gone? Why does my town make me so unhappy? How can I feel like I'm drowning when there's no water? Why is this life so hard? Is anyone really living? Or do we all lead superficial lives? Why do things seem so bad when there is so much to be happy about? Is anyone out there? Does anyone really care? Then why is there great void of emptyness?

((sniff sniff)) ewwwww!!!! I smell from soccer... blech, yucky....

mmmm..... slurpees are good......

Lets go Metro! ((clap clap clap clap))
Yay! the metrostars won their game today against DC United! Woohoo! ahhhhh, so exciting. Carly took me to another soccer game yet again, Metrostars this time though and not Power. It was very exciting, but we ended moving back into the shade because the the sun was being very hot today. I'm so glad we won though, becase the game would have been such a dissapointment if they lost, but thankfully they scored a goal during stoppage time... if that a great ending to a game or what? Of course Clint Mathis was the scorer with Ferara (sp?) getting the assist.... soo sweet =) In other news... the garage sale went pretty good, they sold a rainbow bright doll though, and i don't know if that will be okay with my sister when she finds out. They also sold our deck furnature (yes i know i'm a horrible speller), so i don't know if we're getting new stuff or what... humina... ok, my life is boring so go read something else now. =)

realization
yeah, so i was reading over some blog entries that I wrote during gov school, and I realized that I wrote down way too much stuff that just shoulda stayed in my head. "So why don't you just edit it out?" I can hear you people say.... I dunno... I feel like that would take away some of the purpose of a blog... thats just me though...

addicted
who woulda thought that playing games online could become so addicting? It all started out with Text Twist at gov school... Then when I got home, i explored all the other Yahoo/Shockwave games because i was so bored (hmm... who does that sound like? ::coughcoughJamiecoughcough::) So then came collapse, bounce out, crosswords... I know its such a waste of time, and that I really should be doing work.. but its so freakin addicting! And then tonight, or should I say early this morning, I started playing Boggle online with my sister and her boyfriend, which i must say is a lot of fun when your kicking butt. And... ::yawn:: ...oh wow, I am so tired... must... make... it...... to......... bed..........

soccer! futbol! football! fuBball!
so today was the first day of preseason... I must admit that I wasn't really looking foward to it because our coach is so easy. But I met our new ass't coach for the first time, and I love her! Her name is Krista Bowdo (i don't know if i spelled that right), she graduated from Glenrock High in '95 and went to the University of Illinois. It really cool though cause i know her highschool coach, Tracy aka Trebo, who was a coach at my old soccer camp, GOALS. but anyway, Krista is really great, she runs with us and pushes us hard.... I'm really looking towards soccer this year now. I felt so bad though, a combination of the heat, me being not in the best shape, and getting some blood drawn earlier made me really dizzy, so i wasn't playing very well.... I was so pissed off, but oh well, tomorrow is another day. =)

for lack of a title
hmm.... I seem to not be blogging as much anymore.... I guess the excitement wore off. Oh well... So lets see what's been happening the past couple days...
Thursday: got my senior pictures taken. two words, very stressful.
Friday: Saw "Signs" with ray. I really liked the movie... It was very.. real, i guess you could say. And I liked how everything tied together at the end. Bad endings can always ruin great movies.
Yesterday: Well, I was supposed to get together with a bunch of GSE people, but that ended up being called off. A bbq was planned for that day anyway, so we went ahead with that and just made it a family/friends thing... I have to say that i had a lot of fun... it was really nice seeing some people again.
And that brings us to today. Today I went peach picking with my family. It was ok, but apple picking is so much better. And rotting peaches do not smell good. Well thats it with my boring life... Tom, from GSE, is having a party today, but i ahd no way to get up there.... oh well...

my stupidness
I'm such a dork. I really am. Its only been 2 days since i've gotten my licence and I've scratched the car already. And it wasn't the crappy van or my sister's "piece-of-shiz" car, but the brand new Honda Civic Hybrid... damn, I must be that good. It was really stupid too. I was backing out of the driveway (as I always do) except I was rushing for some stupid reason and I back into my neighbors car parked across the street. Now I haven't really assesed the damage to my neighbors car yet, but i don't think it was that bad. I didn't see a dent when i looked back... but yeah. I really am a good driver though! argh, I think its just pissing me off so much because it was a stupid accident that was very uncharacteristic of me. Shiz.

someone got her licence today!!!!!!

NYC
the big apple is definitely one of the best places on the planet... sure, it was be dirty and loud and dangerous in some parts, but it's just so cool. Where else can you find the newest trends, the coolest hot spots, really good food, and the most diverse people in one place? Not to mention the best shows... I just saw Urinetown today, which was not a bad show... I've seen better though. It was funny though, and you definitely needed to have some previous knowledge of shows to get some jokes... I would recomend it to people though, not for full price, but if you get half-off tickets at tkts, it's definitely worth it... I spent the last 2 days in the city with my sister... seeing Urintown was one fo the things we did... we also went to Chinatown, which is a really cool place too... mmmmmmmm, we got some yummy food like sho-pow (phonetic spelling, have no idea what to actually spell the name), lychees (which were so sweet), and puto... yummy. I also got a fake spade... I think this is the first time i've ever bought a bag/purse/pocketbook, I'm not big on bags... but its cut and a little bit nicer than my black bag that i ususally use. ok, I'll stop boring you with my life now. later

double header
So about last night's games... They were pretty good, disappointing for both teams though. The Power ended up losing 1 - 2 to the Carolina Courage. It was a good game though, good to watch. We really should have won that game though, there were so many missed opportunities and we dominated almost all of the game... we just couldn't get the ball in the back of the net. I got some pictures signed, which was nice. But ugh... the guys that were sitting behind us were so annoying! that wasn't even their real seats! They were just lucky that the regular season ticket holders didn't come that day. Argh... I could have definitly done without their comments throught the two games. Ooo! another gross and horrible thing! These cheerleaders from long island performed during half-time! Now they weren't that bad, they're just cheerleaders... definitely not needed at a soccer game. Me and Carly are convinced that they jinxed the power... and after 5 days of 600 cheerleaders at GSE, they were definitely not welcome. But anyway... the metrostars v. crew game wasn't that bad either, i just wasn't really paying attention. Of course Brian McBride had to score his usual header-goal during the game, but thats okay cause he's on the national team and he's good looking... hahaha... one more Power game left though and that's it for the season... maybe they'll do better next year...

wooooooooooooohooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!
OH YEAH!!!! This is soooooo awsome! Wooh.. ok.. normal breathing resumed... So here's the deal. Today my friend Carly told me about this double header game tomorrow... NY Power vs Carolina Courage and then Metrostars vs... well i can't remember. but anyway, so i was about to call for tickets when Carly comes online and says that she has free tickets for me! and their right in the center of the field! How awsome is that!?! See, she has season tickets to the NY Power games, and the other season ticket holders that sit next to them said that they weren't going to be able to go, so they gave her family the tickets! Aaaaaa.... so excited! okay okay... time to take a shower...

Memories
Today wa a good day. For most of it, I hung out with my friend Sara from GSE. It was really fun. We went walking/hiking/exploring on the trails along the Hudson River, got food at Whole Foods, sat by her pool for a little while, drove around some semi-senic routes... all good stuff like that. Plus, I we got to play on swings for a little while. Ahhh.... I love being a kid. Don't you? I don't really want to grow up cause horsing around is so much fun... And tonight I watched the "Royal Tenenbaums" with my friend Emma. It was a pretty good movie, I expected it to be more dunny than weird though... Weird/messed up humor is definitly great though. Ok, gonna hit the sack, gotta be up early tomorrow to go watch a Power game with Carly...

I ' m s o b o r e d . . . . . .

awww
So I hung out with a bunch of GSE people today, and I realized even more how much I miss all of them. Quick send out of my love to Jon, Tracy, Dong, Jamie, Matt, Dave, Carly, Ashley, Angela, Viv, Lydia, Cheryl, Aibo, Tom, Dan aka BC, Sarah, Alex, Kapil, and everyone else. (I didn't foget anyone did I?) So basically we hit Willowbrook Mall, went to Jon's house really quickly, went to dinner at Applebees, and then went back to Jon's house. And in between got lost, which can actually be sorta fun =) woah der, look at the time, Someone sorta has practice at 9 tomorrow morning... or should i say later today? G'night all.

pondering Christianity/Catholicism
*for those non-religious people, this postgets a little religiousy, just warning ya*
So I just finished watching the movie "Stigmata" for the second time... It's quite a good movie, I would recomend it to everyone. It really makes you think though. Quick synopsis: A girl (Frankie) recieves a rosary as a travel gift from her mom, and as a result, she starts to suffer from Stigmata. For those who don't know what stigmata is, when a person suffers from stigmata, they supposedly recieve the wounds of Jesus from when he was crucified. So anyway the movie is about Frankie and this priest's investigation of her stigmata. The part that's really sticking in my head right now is the issue of St. Thomas' Gospel. St. Thomas' Gospel is supposedly the actual words of Christ that he said to his disciples the night before He was crucified. In short, the gospel says something to the extent of Christ is inside of you and all around you. Another part of this movie talked about how the Church (Catholic Church) wanted to destroy this alleged gospel. Now I don't know much about St. Thomas' Gospel, I'm actaully looking into right now on the web, but I could see how this would cause problems with the Church. It's too much to elaborate on in writing... talk to me if you really want to know. It just makes me think more about how I classify myself. As a lot of people know, I was raised Roman Catholic. However, I have not called myself a Catholic for quite some time now. When people ask, I simply say that I am Christian. I can't really explain right now the problems I have with the Catholic Church, thats another long discussion not to be posted on the web. I just have so many questions right now...

gross
who would have thought that peeling dead skin off your legs and arms could be so fasinating? when you just think about it, its quite nasty... but in reality, you get such satisfaction out of it... very weird. Why I am peeling is a very good question. Sure, I got a little burned at gov school, but that was about 2 weeks ago. And even though i did burn a little, it turned into tan... so back to the question of why I'm peeling. Any one have any suggestions?

snif sniff
*this is an attempt to recreate my lost post from yesterday...*

GSE 2002 is officially over... how sad is that... :( i really can't believe it... I miss everyon so much... to any GSE people that are out there, you guys are the best andmade July the best month of my life.... we really have to hang out before next year's reunion! I don't live that far from a bunch of people, call me! lets hang out! :) but anyway, I guess i should go over the last couple of days for all of my non-existent adoring fans out there :) ... or maybe just my town friends that are reading this... So lets see. The talent show on friday was such a blast! Me, ashley, and liz did pretty well. We got a standing ovation or something like that. We have done it a lot better in practice, but it was all good. Major props to the boys of P-200, your performace was so great and absolutly hilarious :) Dan - were you prima ballerina or something? ;) Tracy - you were absolutely amazing as usual! Oooo! some people don't know about Tracy! Tracy was the other Espiritu at GSE... I have never met another Espiritu in my life, it was quite funny... shes such a great and talented girl though :) and she'll probably kill my for writing that :) after the talent show we watched "The Others" which was quite a bad movie if i say so myself. We were basically laughing during the whole entire movie... or maybe that was on account of us being tired.. or Jamie starting to snore... heeheeheeheehee. That night, or morning actualy, my floor only got like 2 hours of sleep... we were shooting for 0 hours, but that didn't work. The picture slide show in the morning was really cute, what good memories :) We were all crying when we were leaving... go figure... it was quite sad. But I get to see some people on friday so I'm excited! go Jon Chang! that'll be it for now, this is a pretty long post... hasta.

double damn
it did get erased... grrrr....

damn
i think my blog entry just got erased.. that really sucks. try to re-post it later.

sigh
I have a lot of things to sigh about right now. (1) GSE is over in less than 24 hours, which is just really sad. (2) I confirmed the fact that he doesn't like me anymore and hasn't in a while. (3) I just don't want to go home because GSE is by far one of the best experiences i have ever had in my life and I don't want it to end... don't want this to end. this as in this feeling, these friendships, this freedom, this unity... All the things that make me feel happy and good about myself. And its just really sad... On a happier note, me, liz, and ashley are performing "Ghost" today for the talent show, I'm looking foward to it and hope that everything goes well... wish me luck! I think I'm going to get my packing over with now.

its almost over!
I can't believe it! I only have about 36 more hours at this camp... Thats so sad... sniff... must stop talking about it. ok. So the presentation went pretty well, no major mess-ups excpet the animation thing for the water cycle didn't really work. The Ethic Class' presentation was really funny; I think the funniest part was their commercials. Lets see... on tuesday we went on our last field trip to Stewarts for rootbeer floats and icecream. I got a cone of chocolate-chip-cookie-dough ice cream... It was soooooooo yummy. Except it kept dripping all over me 'cause it melted so fast! Oh well, we also went to this shore thing, and it was ok. Oh. The sunrise of tuesday morning was pretty; definitely slept through some of it though, but it was nice. And about him, well I'm convinced that he doesn't like me anymore and that he hasn't in a while. I think he likes this other girl becuase they hang out all the time... I guess I'm ok with it. I still like him though and would like to get to know him better, considering that we don't live too far apart. It was just nice to know that someone liked me. Wednesday was pretty uneventfull. So back to today... Oh! ok. Hahaha I started a mini-water fight. It was mucho fun! except Sara dumped a whole bag of water on me, but its ok cause i got her back. heeheeheehee.... I'm going to go back outside to play before curfew. ta ta!

Watching Ocean's 11 did work. I think i was just sulking or something. Or maybe I was/am a little sad that I don't get to talk to Angela and Ashley as much, i dunno. Today was a pretty good day. I went to class, which wasn't that bad except for the stong fumes of rubbing alchol (we were analyzing "critters" from Stony Brook). Lunch was decent, my mile+ run was pretty good, and I got to juggle for a little while. Dinner was really good to; we had it in the TRLC again on account of the soccer camp that's here (they started on sunday), so we had to-order pasta dishes with some yummy strawberry shortcake stuff for dessert... mmmmmm.... Tomorrow morning, 5am specifically, I am going to go watch the sunrise with a bunch of people; I'm actually really looking foward to it. I wish that 'he' was coming though, it would be really nice. But I still think that he doesn't like me anymore. I'm thinking that I just won't go to sleep or something like that... I'll just go into overdrive like I usually do when I pull all-nighters. It should be fun regardless. Ooo, one highlight was Dianna cutting Tom's hair tonight. It was quite intresting. She's never really cut hair before, well except for Kapil, and Tom was sorta freaking out... it was pretty funny... But it looked good in the end... Our presentation is going pretty well, and I guess that's about it. Check in later. Hasta luego.

my weirdness
I have to be one of the strangest people in the world. I'm having so much fun at GSE, and I find it sad that we have to leave in a week, so why am I so down? I really dunno, i just feel really sad right now... Or maybe I'm cranky and stuff. I've decided that I have this stupid complex where I always fear that I am unpopular and that I don't have any friends and that no one like me. Now i know that thats not true, but i feel so... i dunno... i can't really think of any words that describe how I feel. I guess its lonely. Right. Lonely surrounded by 91+ people. That makes sense. ((That's sarcasm if you didn't realize)) It probably doesn't help by dwelling on it, but then again i don't really know what feelings I'm dwelling on. I think I need to get help or something, i dunno. I'm going to go watch Ocean's 11 again, maybe that will help...

thoughts & confessions
Ok, time for new information into my personal life. I've told a lot of people at GSE and I thought it was time to inform the rest of the unknowing... or at least the unknowing that read this. A little over 2 years ago I was diagnosed with having Alopecia Areata. For those people who don't know what it is, which most don't, Alopecia is an auto-immuno (sp?) problem where your body rejects your hair. In essence, I am almost completely bald. This is why I am always wearing bandanas and stuff.... I just thought that I'd tell everyone, because being at GSE has made me so much more accepting of my condition on account of everyone being so supporting and understanding. It really bothers me that our country/generation thinks that apperance is so important... I guess it just depends on who you hang out with and interact with. But yeah.... now its out in the open. Good.

continued
ahhhh.... noooo soccceerr..... toooo hooootttt.... sigh. Dude, I'm totally going to suck at preseason and I'm supposed to be captian. but ANYWAY, The beach was really really fun. Mike Also launched me off his shoulders and I went like 5 feet in the air... It was so awsome! On Wednesday we just had class, which i almost fell asleep during; and that brings us to today. Today (Thursday) we went boating on Nacote Creek. It was really nice. We went before lunch so it wasn't that hot out, and since we were on the water it was sooooo nice and beautiful and serene and all that sentimental shtuff. I had a lot of fun to sum it up. We also learned about the biota in the creek, so it was educational too, which is the whole entire point of gov school.... Come to think about it, gov school is quite easy. Oh more news, today is the first day of Lax (Lacross) Camp at RSC. This upcomming week should be interesting. At least they're better than the cheerleaders. We might have to get a game of volleyball going against the lax players sometime.... that should be interesting. But as for now, I'm going to go take a shower because I'm nasty from running, and then I'm going to go do some work for a presentation this upcomming week. Go do something better with your time than reading my blog...

update
hey all. Just another update from the hyper one at GSE 2002. So what has happened in the past 3 days? let me think... hmmmm.... Ok, on tuesday I went to a Barrier Island beach which was so nice! I don't think I have been to the beech in at least a year. For the uninformed, the Barrier Islands are a group of moving islands along the southern shore of NJ, they're pretty nice. My class did a beech clean up for 20 minutes of the time we were there, and the rest I/we spent in the water, which just happened to be the perfect temperature. Did a bit of body surfing, which sorta sucked because the waves kept breaking on shallow sand, so i got a ton of sand in my bathing suit. oopss, finish this later, gonna go play soccer...

hyperness
whoa der... Tara is a little bit hyper, you can tell because she's talking in third person. Hahahaha... woooo... So my day was good. I totally was about to fall asleep in class though, I think everyone was. Ahhhh! stuff is so confusing, dating wise mainly of course. Sigh. I'm at a loss about what to do. Advice Anyone? Anyone at all? argh. story of my life. Someone actually likes me and I don't know how to respond because of my undecided moral/religious values. grrr... Oh! and while I'm ranting and raving, Don't you dislike hypocrites! Cause I would really like to go on AIM express right now, but an RA (Residential Assn't) won't let me, all the while he/she is talking on AIM to two of their friends! How annoying! ok, let me go before she see's what I am writting. Night.

oh yeah!
Woo Hoo! I feel so accomplished right now! For the past two days I have been a complete bum, hanging out around campus and not exersizing at all. I ran 3 miles today though! Isn't that hot stuff! Oh yeah! But I'm going to go play soccer now, so I'm out...

heehee
ok. I admit it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I think it was mainly because most of the guys that I/myfriends danced with kept it clean and pg-13 rated. We've gone over how I hate that grinding crap. So yeah, It was actually pretty fun. The music wasn't that bad and all. This one guy Tom did try to get freaky, but oh no, that wrong was quickly righted in about 0.5 seconds. There was also karaok, which was ok. My floor, M-200, sang "Love Shack" by the B-52's, which in itself is a great song. Its just that out of 9 of us, only 4 of us wer really into it. My friend, Liz, and I were going to do a duet, but we decided to drop it b/c everything was just taking to long. Some people were really funny though. It was a pretty good dance. Not horrible. I was pissed that they didn't have glow sticks though, that would have been awseome.
Oh and another thing. You know what a really good feeling is? To know that your liked... Its not to often that I have people like me, considering that I'm not really popular in my school, so knowing that people actually sorta like me is really cool. :) heehee... Ok, I need to drag my friend off the computer because we have to do some work. And this girl sitting next to me is really annyoing me with this song she's singing where every other word is a curse. So yeah. I'm off. We're watching "Shallow Hal" later today as a school so I'll tell you how that goes. Chances are I'll do school work during the movie. I really don't have any interest in that movie. Oh well, you win some and you lose some.

grrr....
Dammit! what is with me and giving in to stupid peer pressures? So here's the deal... some people at gov school thought is would be a good idea to have a dance/social tonight. Cause i dance in the first place.... for one, I don't understand the deal with grinding.... grinding should be restricted to x-games or something... seriously! its looks like the two people are having dry sex! what the h*** is up! argh. And so my floormates pressured me into changing into a tanktop and a kahki shirt... they also made me wear heals for like five minutes, but i changed back into my grungy adidas soccer sandles after they took pictures. I'm telling you, 10 minutes into the "dance" I'm going to go back to my room and change back into shorts. Hey, they're kahki also, no one will even notice. but going back to "dancing." Yeah, I don't do that. Being a wallflower is so much more fun. I should probably read that book, "The Perks To Being A Wallflower." I heard it was pretty good. but anyway. It's not like I'm trying to impress anyone here. And what's the point? People should like other people for who they are; not for the makeup they slather on or the clothes I wear. Why should I go through the trouble of trying to impress someone or make someone like me? If they liked me as a result of my efforts, then they'd be liking a person almost entirely different from me. damn, I'm good. I should write my own book. Well they're dragging me out now. I'll let you know how it turns out. Chances are I'll end up playing volleyball. Wish me luck...

oh yeh...
hey all! whats up?!? we went kayaking yesterday which was soo much fun! My arms/shoulders are so tired though! I've never done anything that extrenuous with my arms before... but it feels sorta good! Weird right? but thats me! The bugs out there were vicious though! They were so big that you would see their pinchers moving... dood... A plus was that I got to be around the person that I sorta have a crush on.. hahahah. I'm bad. So I'm taking a break right now before I have a little interm conference with my teacher Kevin. He's a pretty decent guy. I'm gonna jet and put some stuff back in my room, so we'll all chat later. Oooo! send me some snail mail though so I feel special!
Tara Espiritu
C.O. The Governor's School on the Environment
The Richard Stockton Collge of New Jersey
Pomona, NJ, 08240

...and on...
sigh. I'm having such a good time here. Did I mention that there are some real cuties here? not like drop dead gorgeous (which is nice too, and there are like one or two) but like boy-next-door cute which i think is so much better. But if you think I'm going to name names, you've got to be crazy. I will name some of my friends here though. Joanna aka Oj is my roomate. She's this weird/hyper chick from Ocean Township in Monmouth County. My other floormates, who I'm also all really close with are: Anna, Meredith, Ashley, Emily, Noelle (real name Lindsay), Liz, and Angela. GO M-200!!!! (our dorm/floor). All of the people in this school are generally awsome. There's also liz & Camille & Koppil & Craig & Sarah & Tracy (Go Espiritus!) & Carly & John & Tom & Mike & Kate & all these very cool people. I think I like it so much because this is one place where I can actually be myself. I'm so free here. So unrestricted. And I absolutly love it. People are always wondering why I want to go to college so badly and this is why; because I can be myself. My hometown is just so restraining. It squeezes me so tight sometimes I feel like I can't breath. I don't even know what it is about my town. Maybe its the people. Or maybe it's just the town in general. But here... I have friends, I can be myself, people like me for who I am, I'm outgoing.... I'm everything that is me. And quite frankly, I havn't seen ME in such a long time; such a long time that I almost cry when I think about how much happier my life could be. Not saying that I have a horrible life at home. Its just that... Being me once in a while is a nice thing...

:)
hey all you beautiful people out there! or at least those reading my little blog. I guess you can assume that I'm still at governor's school. Words cannot describe how much fun I'm having here. It definatly ranks up there with Creation Fest as being one of the happiest moments of my life. sigh. Everyone is so incredibly nice and we all get along really well. I can't believe it's only been one week. They're forcing me to go watch "Pay It Foward" right now. Watch? Naw. I have so much work to do. But we'll chat later.

Connected!
Hey all! I'm back! actually I'm still at the governor's school on the Environment. For those who don't know, its like this scholarship summer program payed by the state. Its actually pretty cool, even though it is work. damn. I have to jet becuse I have a lecture to attend in like 15 minutes. later.
to be continued...

mmmmmm...
dude... I am sooooooo full. It was my cousin Amaris' b-day today so we went out to this Brazilian Grill Restaurant out in Hackensack. The deal at this resaurant is that you paya flat price per person and then everone hs acess to the buffet. And while your pigging out on buffet food, you have this little cylinder-wooden-thingy thats painted red on one end and green on the other. While your eating, waiter-people walk aound with these huge skewers of meat, and when you want meat, you turn the little thingy so the green side is up, and when you don't the red side. It's pretty cool. .::cheesy grin::. ugh... I ate wayyy to much though... blleecchh... ok time to go to bed soon. g'night.

rip off...
So yesterday (tuesday night) I went to Yankee Stadium with my sister and her two friends to be extras in this Adam Sandler/Jack Nicholson/Marissa Tomei film called "Anger Management." I was really excited because I thought I was going to ave a realy good time, and that there was a big chance of me having my face in one of the shots. They also said hat there would be a lot of prizes raffled off, a lot of people would get Anger Management shirts, and that they wuld have stadium food available for the entire night. Right. It was such disappointment. We did about two or three shots the entire night (from 8pm to 2:30 am), and the shots didn't even really involve the entire crowd. The food stunk, only 20 or so shirts were given away, there were only 4 or 5 raffles, and this guy with a big head ruin any chance i had of being on screen. Argh, what a waste of time that I could of spent sleeping. And its not like i don't have a ton of work to do before sunday when i live for governor's school. hrumph.

ellipsis
man its late... or early depending on how you think. I just finished watching Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. I really like it, the martial arts definatly kicked ass. And youalways gotta love movies with strong female characters. I was sorta disappointed that it didn't have a happy ending with the two characters getting together (i already forgot their names), but oh well, it was still a good movie. Plus, Chow Yun Fat (spelling?) is so much better than Jackie Chan. ok going to bed soon. argh. must start gov school e s s a y s t o m o r r o w . . .

randomness
I was just watching a recording of the play "Women"on chanel 13, and i have to say that it was quite interesting. quick synopsis: a woman with 2 kids finds out that her husband is having an affair, and the play basicaly revolves around tha entire issue. It was pretty interesting, and it also had a great cast, which is always a plus. It made me think about relationships again though... what doesn't make me think about relationships? Frankly, 'm just so tired of dating and whatnot. While there are times when I'd love to have a boyfriend and am sad that I don't have one, I don't know how i would actually deal with being in a relationship if i actually had on. It seems like a waste of time. As an author once said, what gives a person ownership of my time and my love and my feelings if its just short term and there's no chance of getting married? I dunno. Maybe I'm just old fashioned, which is pretty weird considering that I just finished Junior year of H.S. I think that today's society is to caught up with instant gratification, we have to do things now, we can't hardly wait for anything. But doen't rushing into things take the potential pleasure of what is to come in the future? hmmmm... And you can not say that I don't know what its like to be in "love" (if teenagers really know what love is at our age), because i was "in love" with someone for almost three years, and nothing came of it except tears. ahhhh, I'm being bitter again, and I'm starting to lectur, so let me stop.

I've decided that dashboard confessional is one of the best bands out there...
as for now were going to hear the saddest songs ... and wonder how you making out ... your hair its everywhere, screaming infielities and taking its wear...

tear...
we lost! we weren't supposed to lose! but its semi-okay, it was a good game. plus, we showed the world that we're actually a reputable team now, and that we have to be takn seriously. Donovan still kicks ass, even though he missed at least three good opportunities. And Arena should have put Mathis in earlier so we coul have had some more good shots. oh well. Go USA anyway! woohoo! hmm.... so who should i cheer for now? maybe I'll go for Korea just because they're the underdog...

strangly calm
wow. i think i just failed my history final. ok. maybe not failed. a D minus. i did that bad. the strangness is that I am suprisingly calm about it. i would usually be in tears right now. mmmmmm.... freaky.

What?!?
you have got to be kidding me. Jim win the 3rd spot on american idols? America, I have no idea what you were thinking. Maybe you voted for him to piss off Simon, but come on. What about Chris? or even Adrial for that matter? they were both so much better then Jim!!! sheesh...

Thoughts
beauty . tears . false-hopes . love . self-identity . fake . atificial . tears streaming down face . no one to understand . pain . hurt . longing. sobbing . desire . relase . fatigue . hair. stupidity . anger . overwhelmed . retreat . me . nowhere to go . help . please . somebody . silence

Only here
Hahahaha.... only in my town can you look out your living room window and see 4 cop cars and a mass of people yelling at eachother. I thought it was quite hilarious. There were these 2 or 3 girls screaming at eachother in the street one house away from me. 2 cop cars were already there, so there was no fighting or anything. All the while i'm watching very curiously because i have no idea what's going on. Then these guys from my H.S. walk up my block and then I see these guys hold other guys back... So there was almost a fight, but not quite, the cops actually had to push people away. sigh.... By this time there are 4 cop cars and about 20 or so highschoolers there, but everyone finally dispersed. And i still don't know what happened.... damn...

Na na, na na na na, hey hey hey, Goodbye!
YEAH! who won the game baby! the USA did! and they were such pretty goals too! McBride with the nice finish in like he 8th min, and then Donavon with a great header! woohoo! I'm am so excited! we were definatly not supposed to win, but we beat the odds and did! oh yeah! It was such a crazy game though, 10 yellow cards and 1 red card.... thats crazy! man, i love our team, they're so great! G O U S A ! ! ! !

Dead Zone
so the season premiere of "Dead Zone" was tonight. I have to say that I thought it was pretty good... I'm into the whole entire sci-fi thing... but the actors were good, and I got all teary during the scene where the doctor goes back to Vietnam and finds his mother... I'm such a mushball... geez. I should really g to bed now though, considering that i have a physics final tomorrow. I really want to stay up for the US v. Mexico game though, but it's not going to happen. wouldn't it be nice if the USA won? yeah right.

blah
So Ireland loses to Spain in the quarter-finals in a shootout... what a sucky way to win or lose a game... oh well.

GO USA
WooHoo! USA is advancing o semi-finals! you would not believe how excited i was in school this morning when i found out that portugal lost to Korea! So i woke up at 7:30 to watch th begining of the US v. Poland game, which got me so frusterated. 2 goals in the first five minutes of the game?!? that is absolutely riduculous! And what was up with the ref disallowng Donovan's goal! what a bad call! ugh but whatever, we're advacing anyway, so they better bust their butts for the rest of the world cup. I must say that portugal really deserved those two red cards though, or at least the first one... that was such a vicious tackle... but their out now anyway, what an upset. oh well. GO USA!!!!!

My gosh he's gorgeous
I just came back from seeing the Borne Identity wth Matt Dameon... and oh-my-gosh, he has to one of the most beautiful/handsome people in the world... hahahaha... my friend Laura and I were gaping during the scene where he just had a wife-beater on.... ooooo... he's so good looking. but besides him, I thought that i was a very good movie if you like action movies. According to my dad, the book is quite good also. Over all I would probably give the movie something around a 7 on a scale from 1 to 10.... our maybe an 8.5 just because Matt Dameon is so good looking... I know your laughing at me, but considering that I am not attached to anyone at the moment, I have every right to semi-obsesse about gorgeous movie stars. but seriously, go see it, it was good. you can stop laughing at my girliness now...

Relaxation at last... or at least until next week
finally got my math final over with... i'm actually happy that we took it a week earlier... less things to worry about next week. ::yawn:: but now i'm off to do an extra credut project for physics to pull my grade up.
btw: check this out Be In A Movie

Woah...
Strangeness... I just heard from my friend Laura that out our principal was arrested last night for fondeling a 17-year old boy, how freaky is that? She says that she heard it on 1010Wins, so it seems pretty credible, I must look into it some more... wow... i'm quite shocked. Geez though, like our school doesn't have enough things wrong with it in the first place... but enough of this, i have to study formy math final tomorrow. Wish me luck...

Dating
ahhhh.... the game of breaking people hearts... maybe that's why I don't really date... or maybe it's just because n one has ever seriously asked me out before, i dunno. ya know, tell me if I'm stupid or something, but i think its quite stupid to have a new bf/gf every couple of months... that justs seems wrong to me... argh. I could just possibly be very frusterated with my "love" life right now. I should probably stop sitting here and pondering about it. But just n las thing. don't you love how you meet what you think is the perfect person and then realize that they are taken? it defintly sucks. As the great Alanis Moresette said in Ironic "It's meeting the man of your dreams, and then meeting his beautiful wife..." damn, well do i know...

Ahhhhh... another school day over. But does it ever really end? It's like THS has a freakin conspiracy to make me go crazy; heat in the summer, AC in the winter, gym in the hot boiling sun, teachers that bore you to death.... its enough to drive anyone insane. And of course we have to be one of the last schools to be let out... June 24th or something like that. I can't wait to graduate and escape from this so called "castle on the hill," but alas, i still have one more year left! argh, the pain of it all...
But besides all that... I had a great weekend. My friend emma was staying over so we played countless games of You Don't Know Jack, which is possibly the bet computer game in existance. I also had my first rehersal for all-state choir, which really kicks ass... too bad all of my roomies last year were seniors so i have to find new ones. Then there was my last game for spring soccer where we won 5 to 3. And finally on sunday was Ray's litte get together, where i had quite a good time... good flipino food, hackeysack games, ambushing a very unsuspecting Ray... even though some people are still somehow going to get payback for water they poured on me... mwhahahaha.... oh and in addition i met two nice new people, Mark and Kelly if i do remember right... I have to disagree with them though, I don't the the townies/acadamites/cotillioners were going to kill eachother.... maybe just maim...

Hmzzz.... welcome to my first b-log... like in many other situations, i have no idea why I'm really doing this... my reasoning is that I have always tried to keep a diary or journal of some sort, but it has never worked; and since i'm online all the time, i might as well keep a b-log as my journal. of course I'm not going to put down my deepest thoughts or anything cuase that would just be plain embarassing. so we'll just see how long this lasts. i give it about two months. i guess i really should be studying for finals right now, but you know me, the everlasting procrstinator. or maybe I'll go watch some world cup games, b/c after all, soccer is the best sport in the world! (go USA!!!) but i think i'll go be a good student and study... right....
oh and as a final note for today, i guess ray deserves a little credit for introducing me to bloging, thanks, it just took me a little while to catch on. it wouldn't have been true to my procrastinating form if i didn't wait a while...